A Real Page-Turner

"It takes a long time before I get to the bottom of why I'm so upset. When I do, it's almost too mortifying to admit. All those months of taking it for granted that Peeta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally, he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly.
 And I hate him for it."

Sometimes I Katniss...sometimes I seem to completely identify with her. I tend to expect more than I should and I'm terribly selfish. Except it's worse, because I don't have her discipline or power or desperation, not yet. Nor have I suffered from trauma at all really.

But as I do with every single book that I read, I cannot help but try to find myself in her, the protagonist, even if I have to stretch things. With each chapter I grow more love as well as more grief for this strong yet absolutely vulnerable girl. I struggle between jealousy and desperation of her circumstances.

And I know that even though she's fictional, even though I will forget vital yet extremely subtle details from the books, and even though I'll re-watch, come to love, and then eventually remember what's missing from the movies to come... I'll always consider Katniss and the rest of her story as a friend, the same way a drive-in movie, broken soda bottle, and mustang cars always remind me of Ponyboy Curtis.

In the same way some people are moved by music, the way it conjures memories (both bitter and sweet) and moves them to feel and to act, books target something deep within my heart, especially if it's a book I share with people dear to me.

And since it's nearly 3 in the morning I am not hardly making sense, but in my mind still so distracted by the story I've just finished that only leads me to remember that Peeta was always the one who could manipulate words (and the hearts that hear) them so well.

Goodness grief, either I really need sleep, I'm am such a dork, and/or I seriously need to do something more productive and fast.

The Story

I love looking at people who I've just met and am sort of getting to know and thinking to myself, "There's a story there...and I want to hear it."

I love hearing people's stories. They're all so different, and yet so similar. I especially love the ones that don't come out eloquently but are all the more real.

My story keeps growing, it's always growing, but recently I haven't added on to its words...I need to do that, and soon. It's important to keep up with our stories.

Recently this is one of my favorite stories. It makes it so much more real to me, even as I go back and read the story verbatim from my Bible, it paints such a more vibrant picture now, with such real characters and history...and it sometimes makes me wish I was Jewish (but that's another story).

Anyway, happy weekending, and for those of you not done yet with school, happy studying. :)

Putting the Christ back into Christmas for 2011

You know how sometimes you look around think, "God, how on earth did you get me here, it's so perfect, and so beyond anything I had ever hoped for?!" Yeah...I'm there. :)

I have never recognized God's hand in so many things in my life at once.

Today Intervarsity started a 24-hour prayer service/vigil/whatever-you-wanna-call-it in our Center for Campus Ministry  (chapel) and I've been on duty awhile now, just praying and listening. It's been so marvelous. God is really showing up this week. I'm re-falling in love with Him again. Do you know the feeling?

I started reading the book of Hosea while I've been in here and I can't get over it. Not only did Christ redeem me from a life of idol whoredom, but He crowned me as His queen! He treasures and delights in me. No matter how many times I have gone back to those idols, He has always kept His covenant with me pure and undefiled.

Not only that, but God delights in others the same way. These girls that I hang out with back home and those here. I look at them and I see not a sad or frustrating human being, but a priceless treasure that is cherished and loved and desired by the God of the universe.

This among other things. Like convicting me to apologize and ask for forgiveness. And building relationships. And reminding me that I'm not deserving of His holiness. And being reminded that sometimes it's just super nice to sit at His feet and gaze into His face and listen to His voice or to dance with Him, my Jesus, my Love.