Pity Party #1 -Let's not make this a habit, shall we?

If you called me "treasure" why do I feel so forgotten? Haha you know, I'm always gonna be an outsider. Especially with me traveling and all. You know then you NEVER fit in. And I've always hated that most...not feeling connected to everyone else, left out, what have you. I feel like it's not ok for me to be mad. Gah, I mean, I let you vent and take it out on me...is it so wrong for me to want the same? Is that unfair? Or am I overreacting....yeah, that's it. I'm just being retarded and emotional and irrational. I hate myself for that most days.

I swore this blog wasn't going to be some dramatic cheesy teenage pity party. And look how well I've accomplished that so far. :\

I'm so ready to leave. I know it's unrealistic but I feel that if I leave I'll be able to get away from everything I know and then I'll be able to hear you better. Which is crazy cause I tend to do the EXACT opposite, and you know that.

"Hopelessness has left us falling. Don't look to me, I'm falling just as fast as you." -Ivoryline "Left Us Falling"

Hello, my name is "treasured"

I'm taking you in. There's so much to take in. I need to be still. I want to be still, I miss it. Thank you, for making me a dependent person, someone who enjoys leading, but giving up control as well. How quickly I forget, I hate that. I miss you, I know you hear me say stuff like that a lot but you know when I mean it. I'm scared. I'm scared this trip is a journey that won't end pleasantly, the way I plan, and I know it's got to be your plan and not mine. But it's still hard, I may not like control, but I like to know what's going on.

You call me treasure. I hear you whisper "my treasure" in the wind and I look your way. You pick me up in your arms and give me a kiss on the cheek with the wind. I lay my head in your lap, the grass, and you sing over me as we watch the clouds roll by. Then we get up and walk/skip together as I become overwhelmed with joy.

Tonight I've become the most dazzling precious treasure. I'll be treasured over all the earth. Just look at what He's done, the most dazzling precious treasure. I am treasured over all the earth.

Really?

Do you really understand what you mean when you say "I don't want to be special to you." Because I'm not sure you do. You want me to show you? It's not waiting for you after class. It's talking to you whenever we might pass in the hallway. It's calling you by your first name. It's not remembering all your favorite things and addictions. It's asking "how are you?" and not genuinely wanting to know. It's not caring, not caring enough. Special doesn't mean bad, it's treasured. Like a pirate and his gold, like a professor and his knowledge, like a dear friend. Special. Oh the special memories I couldn't live without.

Gotta Love the Unbiological Brothers. :)

Words, words, words

"To be or not to be. That is the question." Words that have been echoed for centuries since they were written. It's amazing how many things can be said, heard, thought, felt all with one word. Worlds can be torn apart or made whole again all with a simple word. See, that's the thing, words are anything but simple. Words carry depth and a life of their own.

Of all the eloquent rhetoriticians in the world, the ones who meant the most are the ones who said the least. It just amazes me all the beautiful things that come from words. Poems, songs, books, stories, letters, plays, speeches, etc. Words are a wonderful creation.

And of course I have no point. :\ I never hardly seem to. I guess it's okay though. Words don't ALWAYS have to have a point. What fun would that be?