"Being still and doing nothing are two very different things."

I'm trying to be still now and prepare for my trip. It's super hard to sit still when you're really excited about something though.

It seems like everyone is having to be still right now and wait on God. My dear friends, the Corders, are in the midst of having to seriously trust Jesus right now with their house, friends, job, etc. My own family is learning to be still, especially my dad since he's still out of work. And I could go down the list and probably name everyone I know.

I keep scolding myself. Lately, I've been thinking about the trip and welcoming it as a getaway from worries and stresses here. I don't want escape and adventure to be my reason for going on the trip. One of my key words for the trip has been "Focus". I'm learning to renew my mind by focusing on Jesus, his word, and anything eternal. During VBS, God gave me Phillipians 4:4-9, which talks about keeping your mind set on everything that is good and holy and just.

I think we all need to constantly remind ourselves to take a step back and rest in God. In his peace, his strength, his graces, his power, as his children we can be confident that he will take care of everything for us. We can lay comfortably in his arms and he will carry us up the mountains and down. He is Father and he is a mighty loving father.

*ring ring* This is God Calling

At the moment I am overwhelmed with God-thoughts. He is trying to tell me so many things and quite frankly, I'm asking him to slow down a little so I can remember enough at a time to put it all into words so I never forget. This will come in waves so be ready....

My Trip:

Tonight, Jesus reminded me of a vision he gave me about 3 summers ago. I was sitting in the car singing a worship song one night on the way home and my eyes were closed. I suddenly saw a map of South Asia and it was over-layed with pictures of nationals I had never seen before. I heard what can only be described as God say one word: "Go." I never in my wildest dreams imagined he meant to leave so soon. :) "Where you go I go, what you say I say, what you pray I pray." -Kim Walker. "All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever." 1Peter 1:24 Lord, I know that my time here is but a second to you. If I can live and speak and plant your Word then my work becomes your work and I have "everything to live for" (1 Peter 1:4). This is what you mean when you say you will never leave us or forsake us. Praise Jesus you are worthy!!!

Heart for Others:

Lord, I thank you for putting an ache in my heart for your children. My heart physically aches for those who are so dead right now. I can tell they're desperate and I just wish so badly for them to know the fullness and life that's in you. I have never been so alive in my life so whole and loved.

This week in VBS you have laid one child on my heart. Father, I can see he isn't as tough as he wants us to believe. I know you are wooing him right now. I just beg you to remain faithful in calling to him as you did with me. Love on him and pour your grace and comfort and life over him now, and tomorrow, and for the rest of the week, and until he gets it! Lord, open his eyes, remove the veil, and soften his heart so that he gets it. You treasure him so much. Be real to him....more real than anything he knows.

Master, you have called me to live an extraordinary life. "As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness."

1 Peter 1:14-15. You have called me to a life of "energetic" holiness, one that is "shaped by" you, one that looks and tastes like you. Thank you for reviving me in ways I never imagined. I asked you to give me a relationship with you that looked different from what I knew before and you blew my mind and my heart away. I couldn't ask for a better Father, Lover, Savior, Creator, Master, God. I praise you Jesus for all that you are. I don't understand it. But I do know that I am madly desperately hopelessly in love with you.

Kids say the darn-est things

I have a class of third graders for Vacation Bible School this year and they are so precious to me! Yes they can be loud and clingy and obnoxious but I praise God I get to spend a priceless week loving on them and vice-versa.

This little lady would not let go of my hand today, only the second day of the week! :) We were walking out to rec and I said something about "my 3rd graders". She looked up and me and giggled, "we're not your kids". That was it! My heart melted and I told her, "yes you are. You all are my kids and I love you very much!"

They are goofy. I said hey to my friend, Aaron, in the hallway and Zach started saying he was my boyfriend. Haha I remember being like that. They are beautiful to me and certainly are "remarkably and wonderfully made" as we learned yesterday. My heart rejoices in seeing them so fun-loving. It's refreshing to hang out with people who are just as wacky as myself. :)

The Not-so-final Countdown

My trip is coming up fast.... two weeks and 37 hours and I'll be gone. Having said that, I can feel myself in the midst of a supernatural tug-of-war. On the one hand, God has (it seems) quickly pulled me into his arms and is giving me this massive bear hug and loving on me and opening my eyes to countless things, in preparation for the trip. However, God has opened my eyes to all the things Satan is doing in an attempt to stop the Holy Spirit, here in the states and overseas as well. He has been playing with my emotions and throwing distractions at me and petty fears in order to deter my focus from God's heart and my relationship with and in Him. At times I literally feel like I am being pulled in two. My heart with reach out to God and threaten to beat out of my chest in worship, while my stomach drops with the weight of guilt and memories and fear. However, God is faithful and ever so gracious.

While reading the Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker, God has revealed to me his love and the lengths he goes to keep me in his arms. Dekker calls it "The Great Romance". He describes the love in steps and throughout the books, each character is taken through this "love journey" in a unique way. The Great Romance is reflected in the romance between husband and wife:

• He chooses
• He pursues
• He rescues
• He woos
• He protects
• He lavishes

As I read the books, Jesus showed me how he has taken me through almost this entire journey in the past year alone, particularly for this trip and the upcoming year in general.

• He chose me last fall when I signed up for the trip, completely oblivious as to what I was getting myself into.
• He pursued me for the rest of the school year, and I only vainly tried to reconnect with him.
• He actually rescued me about a month ago. When something just clicked and I realized just how desperately I missed him and how badly I needed him.
• He has wooed me for two weeks now, just loving on me, and showing me all these really cool things about him in a new way.
• He is protecting me now as I struggle staying focused and determined to remain "in Him". I also trust that He will protect me while I am in South Asia and throughout travel (spiritually, emotionally, and physically).
• I am looking forward to being lavished by God both on the trip and from there on out.

I know that these steps are a cycle. As we continually fall from God, he starts over. This is something that has recently blown my mind. If I were God, I would have given up millenia ago. He is always so patient with me and I love him all the more for it. He is everything to me and I am so FULL of Him that I just can't bear it! :D

This is only the beginning....

I've missed you like the flowers miss the sun by the end of February

You remember how it feels to see someone you absolutely LOVE for the first time in a loooong time? Me too. You know how there's that moment where your heart gets caught in your throat and you hug each other and could cry with relief? Yeah, me too.

This is the moment I had last night and today. :) It was like I hopped on a jet and ran from my lover. The problem is....planes are cold, and stuffy, and uncomfortable after about 40 minutes. So, eventually, I got some sense knocked into me and finally got off the plane. :) He was there standing....pacing and hopping around in anticipation of my arrival. I had a couple delays, but I'm back. And I really wanna stay this time.

Words can't describe the feeling to just sit and be held by your Savior. It's beyond thrilling. I praise His name for removing all my distractions this week. I'm having my own camp...just me and God.

"Your love, God, fills the earth! Teach me to live by your counsel." Psalm 119.64 (The Message)

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...

It has recently come to my attention that my summer group of friends is MUCH more different than my friends during school. I'm not complaining one bit. I love this shift. I think it's healthy for me right now. For instance, I'm spending much more time with Micah and his friends (which suffice it to say feels more mature...but maybe it's just me). Then there's people like Courtney who I never see during school cause life is so crazy. Hopefully in a couple weeks I'll get some more one-on-one time with my dear Sarah. :)

I've lost a lot of friends recently but I'm not tortured over this like I used to be. It's easier to let go when you see that you're going different ways and you have other people who you know are coming along side of you.

Making new friends is always fun for me. I love hearing all about someone new and what they like and how they think...it's so neat.

These new friends of mine make me feel so welcome and accepted. I love that. I love them.