The Not-so-final Countdown

My trip is coming up fast.... two weeks and 37 hours and I'll be gone. Having said that, I can feel myself in the midst of a supernatural tug-of-war. On the one hand, God has (it seems) quickly pulled me into his arms and is giving me this massive bear hug and loving on me and opening my eyes to countless things, in preparation for the trip. However, God has opened my eyes to all the things Satan is doing in an attempt to stop the Holy Spirit, here in the states and overseas as well. He has been playing with my emotions and throwing distractions at me and petty fears in order to deter my focus from God's heart and my relationship with and in Him. At times I literally feel like I am being pulled in two. My heart with reach out to God and threaten to beat out of my chest in worship, while my stomach drops with the weight of guilt and memories and fear. However, God is faithful and ever so gracious.

While reading the Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker, God has revealed to me his love and the lengths he goes to keep me in his arms. Dekker calls it "The Great Romance". He describes the love in steps and throughout the books, each character is taken through this "love journey" in a unique way. The Great Romance is reflected in the romance between husband and wife:

• He chooses
• He pursues
• He rescues
• He woos
• He protects
• He lavishes

As I read the books, Jesus showed me how he has taken me through almost this entire journey in the past year alone, particularly for this trip and the upcoming year in general.

• He chose me last fall when I signed up for the trip, completely oblivious as to what I was getting myself into.
• He pursued me for the rest of the school year, and I only vainly tried to reconnect with him.
• He actually rescued me about a month ago. When something just clicked and I realized just how desperately I missed him and how badly I needed him.
• He has wooed me for two weeks now, just loving on me, and showing me all these really cool things about him in a new way.
• He is protecting me now as I struggle staying focused and determined to remain "in Him". I also trust that He will protect me while I am in South Asia and throughout travel (spiritually, emotionally, and physically).
• I am looking forward to being lavished by God both on the trip and from there on out.

I know that these steps are a cycle. As we continually fall from God, he starts over. This is something that has recently blown my mind. If I were God, I would have given up millenia ago. He is always so patient with me and I love him all the more for it. He is everything to me and I am so FULL of Him that I just can't bear it! :D

This is only the beginning....