Why Miss Scarlet, I Do Declare.

Now Playing: Hands by The Almost :)

Reading: Jane Eyre (still) by Emily Bronte

Appreciating: the sound of thunder, flashes of lightening, and the rain being blown against my room window...feeling at home.

Today we were talking about patterns, in art, socially, and throughout the rest of the world. And I could not stop thinking about literature. Findings patterns, finding meaning, finding relevance this is why I read and study literature. And music is so similar.

It's my firm belief that the easiest way to find out what someone's heart to look at is to what music is on their "go-to" list and what book they are in the middle of or have just finished. Because the special thing about books and music is that they get stuck in your head, and consequentially in your heart. I love this, I think it's so neat how God has designed us that way, but I've also learned (with way too much experience) that we have to be careful about what we put into our heads.

In our conversation today I was reminded about a couple of books that I read my junior year in high school that I really regret reading. I know, who knew that an English Lit major would ever regret reading certain books. But they put so many images and philosophies into my head that will never leave now. And quite honestly, they didn't help me out of the state of darkness I was living in at the time that I was reading them.

The same goes for music, and that's something that the Holy Spirit often uses in my life as a compass to my heart. I can tell that when I start choosing to listen to secular music more and more that I should probably take a look at where my heart is focused because it means that I'm choosing something catchy with lyrics that oppose what I believe over worshiping my one and only Jesus Christ.

I know that's pretty blunt, but it's true. And I forget that a lot of times.

And as an avid lover of both books and music I'm often tempted by somethings that may be brilliantly crafted artistically but are created with a message that denies or curses my God (maybe not straight up but the message doesn't line up with what Jesus says) and I have to be careful. And I'll survive, there's still plenty of great works out there. :)

You Were Made For Something Greater

Now Playing: Run Daddy Run from the Hunger Games soundtrack

Living in the mountains does something. Never realized how Southern I am, how much weight this culture carries in my life until I came up here for school and was surrounded by it. It makes me miss my sister, and her cute accent and her similar love of bluegrass and mountain views.

But this place is good for another thing too. Being outside, being warm again, it's a tangible sense of this heart of mine that's thawing and blossoming along with the daffodils. Spring Break was hard, but good and definitely necessary. I had to make a choice, it's a choice that I've always had to and always will have to make but in putting it off for the past while I had ultimately chosen neglect.

But no more. How can I just ignore it, I refuse to continue to let myself sit on the sidelines and look the other way. If I'm not involved then what's the point? No, I'm pressing in and fighting back. I'm choosing to be resolved. To say 'yes' even when I don't feel like it. To die and become dependent, because I'm so over doing it myself. I don't like it. It's only fun until you realize that it means you have to take responsibility.

Living in light of my grace, not striving towards it. Now that's freedom.

Smaug lives under my Campus

"Growing up isn't always fun, but that doesn't mean you should ever let go of your dragon. No sirree bob, you just have to get up in the saddle, hold onto its wings and hoop and holler the way you do on a roller coaster. And if the smoke gets in your eyes, just cry a little, wash it out, and start again. :)"
-Fighting Dragons in a Kilt Post from 04/18/11


Just re-read this in one of my posts from last April. It was a good reminder. 


I don't think I realized how much God was preparing my heart for the things I'd face here at college. But do we ever?


I feel like I'm missing out on some major preparations right now. And that's mostly my fault, for letting excuses and life get in the way of my time with Jesus. 


Recently I haven't felt as sure as I did before school and at the beginning of the semester. I don't feel like I've grown any and that breaks my heart, because it means that I'm probably going backwards. I know it doesn't have to be this way, I have a say in which direction I move, and that gives me hope and motivation. 


I'm such a different person than when I arrived in the fall, yet, there's so much that I look at and cringe because I remember it from my past and I don't like it. 


Praise God for grace. Thank Jesus for new mercies. All glory to the Lord most high for redemption and clothes of righteousness. This is my identity. This is where I now choose to stand. Resting in the salvation and love poured out by my heavenly Father. 


"Not by might, or by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord." -Zechariah 4:6


Jesus, I surrender my life. I don't want this self-righteousness, these works. I just want to love you. I want more of you God, more of your heart, your vision, your passion, your love, you power, your words, your hands and feet. Yes, Lord, yes to whatever your will may be, yes I will listen to/for you, yes I will obey swiftly and with a glad heart, yes you have my heart completely. 

Life in Grandeur

Now Playing: Sometimes by David Crowder Band

Sometimes I forget things. Adventures are great, they are fun and scary and require lots of faith. And honestly, I go back and forth between wanting too much for adventure and being comfortable.

This morning I was reading in Mark 5 and came across this treasure:
"As he was getting into the boat, the man who had been possessed with demons begged him that he might be with him. ¹⁹ And he did not permit him but said to him, “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”²⁰ And he went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled."




And it hit me right in the heart. I've been so busy traveling to different conferences lately and I usually dread coming back to campus because I know I will actually be tested and have to put into practice what I've learned and I really want to, but that just sounds exhausting to me. But it's something I've been commanded to do: "go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you" to be a light here and now where He has placed me.

I know that there is adventure here as well and that I'll miss it unless I keep my eyes open and focused on those around me.

I don't want to forget how important my time is. I do not want to waste what time I've been given here and now by "waiting" for what's in the future. So instead of doing the same thing that I have always done, I am choosing to be bold and serve actively. While I anticipate the future, I will not depend upon it. All I have is the here and now with my Jesus and I am resolved to make it something grand.

Good Gifts Indeed

Now Playing: The Reckoning by Needtobreathe

Tonight during (as in, in the middle of) Intervarsity, I was surprised with cupcakes, the sweetest card, and hugs from some of my closest friends. This is only the second time I've ever had a surprise for my birthday (I believe) and the first time was last year. I was surprised by the most precious middle schoolers with cupcakes and the best present EVER! Tonight made me really miss those guys, my heart hurts to no be able to hug and talk and be goofy with them. But I know God is in their midst and working on something crazy awesome. Oh how I miss them....

I've been thinking lately about how awesome it is that God gives us very similar friendships at different times in our life (or even the same time and in different places). Friends that are our mentors and hold us accountable, friends to laugh with and keep us sane.

This is NOT to say that these relationships are interchangeable or that one is replaceable. NO, I need each one of these people in my life for different reasons and I cannot imagine not having had them in my life when they were there, and even now.

For instance: I have two "Mama's". Well, I have my Mom, my Marmie who I love like no other. But I also have those mentors who you swear adopted you, and they would admit to that too. Back in Chatt there's Mama Jean, who is so precious to me and has listened and let me cry and made me laugh. We've traveled together and she's been ever so gracious to let me into her home and try to help mentor one of her sons. And up here in Maryville I've got Caroline, my Korean Mama. Who is equally as precious with whom I talk and laugh and cry and, yes she let's me into her home and befriend her only daughter and (I'm not sure if she's knows this yet or not) but pretend to "mother-hen" over her youngest boys.

Then there's Sarah who is an artist and although we have such different ideas and opinions and see things from completely different perspectives she is my girl. In a sort of way Katelyn is. Of course they are polar opposites as far as personality and background (hahahaha) but the way our hearts are knit together is very similar.

There's Grady who reminds me so much of my brother, except for the fact that I love my brother waaaaaay more and I will forever be closer to him. But they act very similar and often times hanging out with Grady makes me miss Micah and oh so thankful for the relationship that we have with each other now. I adore my siblings, but Micah and I are closer to each other and I'm more than okay with that.

Even Dr. Schneibel reminds me of Dr. Renneisen and I'm so thankful for the fellow lover of literature. Someone who I know will challenge but not discourage my studies and desire to teach such a dynamic subject.

I just think it's neat how God says, "I know you so much better than you know yourself. And sometimes you need certain types of people in your life." He's given me so many more people in both places that are not on this list because they are just one of a kind, or because our friendship is just crazy haha.

But what I know is that I am so overwhelmed by the people that God puts in my life. Sometimes I think that I rely on them too much. But God is gracious and my heart is always drawn towards Him. My Father gives GOOD gifts, indeed. :)