I've been thinking and it really bothers me when you belittle me all the time saying things to my face that aren't true. Why I let you get away with it is beyond me. I am not weird, I am not a liar, I am not all these things you label me. It's time to stop. I am love, I am joy, I am peace, I am patience, I am kindness, I am goodness, I am faithfulness, I am gentleness, I am self-control. This is the Christ in me. This is who I am. Take it or leave it. I love you but this is me. This comes first.
I am in the midst of a drastic permutation (shout-out to Dr. Renneisen for using vocabulary words). I am working on being "transformed by the renewing of [my] mind" Romans 12:2. I told you in my last post that I am extremely influenced by the literature I read and the music I listen to. Therefore, my transformation is coming through reading the Word, along with my Dare to Share book for my trip and the many other studies and insightful books I have begun but barely gotten into. Also, my music. Although I have recently downloaded more secular music than I have ever carried with me onto my ipod, I have also downloaded much more worship music and have a long list of more I am planning on getting.
This morning I read Psalm 90:12-17
Oh! Teach us to live well!
Teach us to live wisely and well!
Come back, God—how long do we have to wait?—
and treat your servants with kindness for a change.
Surprise us with love at daybreak;
then we'll skip and dance all the day long.
Make up for the bad times with some good times;
we've seen enough evil to last a lifetime.
Let your servants see what you're best at—
the ways you rule and bless your children.
And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us,
confirming the work that we do.
Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!
Teach us to live wisely and well!
Come back, God—how long do we have to wait?—
and treat your servants with kindness for a change.
Surprise us with love at daybreak;
then we'll skip and dance all the day long.
Make up for the bad times with some good times;
we've seen enough evil to last a lifetime.
Let your servants see what you're best at—
the ways you rule and bless your children.
And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us,
confirming the work that we do.
Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!
I've also been meditating on 2 songs that mean a lot to me right now:
"You'll come" by Hillsong United:
Chains be broken.
Lives be healed.
Eyes be open.
Christ is revealed.
You'll come let your glory as you respond to us
Spirit rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come, you'll come
"Where you go I go" by Kim Walker:
Where you go I go, what you say I say, what you pray I pray
Jesus only did what he say you do
He would only say what he heard you speak
He would only go where he felt you lead
Following your heart, following your spirit
How could I expect to walk without you
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I would not begin to live without you
For you alone are worthy, you are always good
Though the world sees and soon forgets
We will not forget who you are and what you've done for us
Though the world sees and soon forgets
We will not forget who you are....
You are my God, You are my God....
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