Taking it slow this summer.

As I believe I've said before, I was ready for summer this year. I spent weeks dreaming of living at my friend's house and goofing off with our "gang" just like Spring Break. However, my plans took a drastic turn even before summer started.

The last day of school was great and that night my girls small group had a party to kinda kick off summer. Well, we were playing the wii (Just dance) and apparently I am no MC Hammer....I pulled (or tore, we're not sure yet) a ligament in my knee. I am now laid up in bed for the next couple of weeks.

I'm trying to take advantage of this rest that I so desperately needed. But as a hyper teenager this is easier said than done. Not to mention the fact that I absolutely dread being stuck here alone with my vivid imagination. I know God is trying to instill the whole "Be still and know that I am God" lesson, but I still can't seem to be still.

And I'm starting to scare myself with my thoughts. I know I'm over thinking it but I'm starting to see patterns in my friends entering then being phased out of my life. And what hurts the most is that is looks like I replace them very easily. I hate this.

The first one I noticed can be classified as "relationships". There was my stalker who I was friends with for about a year and a half and he swore we were in a relationship. Then there was the "desert dweller" who practically stole my heart and hardened my soul to my Lord (to no fault but my own) and this summer will be a year and a half....if it lasts that long. And now....it's the "best friend". Known him for a year (almost two years), became friends this time last year, and recently started seriously talking. And I don't wanna end up hurting someone else, especially him.

Then there's the BFF category.... My dear friend from elementary school who I stood beside for 6-7 years. then there's my heart who is still a major part of my life but I see we're slowing moving in different directions and it pains me. And I'm am so blessed to have welcomed my bestie from school into my life and I dearly hope we stay connected for a long time. What's scary is that all three of them have/had major health problems, and two were in the hospital. I was there. I don't want to this happen to my new precious friend. And I hate to see this special bond from struggles just slip away. I know it's up to me to keep the relationship going but it's hard.

This summer I'm going to TRY and take things slowly. Mull them over with my Lord before I jump into things. If I can keep my focus on the eternal I think it'll certainly help. But we'll see how my self-discipline (or lack thereof) is doing.

Family :)

This is my family. My home away from home. And I love them...so much. Haha one of these things is not like the other...can you pick me out? :P

Junior-itis

You know how as a senior in high school, the last couple weeks is always the hardest? Well, I'm pretty much there. I know it's not exactly the same, but I'm hating school right now (which is definitely almost blasphemous for me). My closest friends, save one or two, are gone since they were seniors and I skip all but two classes because I do absolutely nothing anymore. I'm done with just about every one of my finals. I'm so ready to be a senior. Now, I know it will go by WAY to fast, and I am NOT looking forward to that one bit. But I am ready for summer and then to be a senior and get to work, start seriously looking at colleges, and enjoying my special senior year. I still don't like to say it though. I think I'm in denial. :P I hate saying that I'm 17 or that I'm gonna be senior. I don't want to grow up. I mean, I'm excited, but it's certainly daunting.

I guess I hate it so much cause to me, growing up means change and change almost inevitably means saying good-bye to a lot of things. I feel like I've had to say good-bye to so many people already. And next year I'll be moving on from so much else. The seniors told me Saturday things like, "I'll come back." or "We'll still see each other." But honestly, do they believe that? I hope so. Cause I love you and I hate that feeling of not seeing your face every morning when I walk into school or even just hearing you and smiling. But change isn't bad. I've never believed that.

No, change (hopefully) brings growth. And yes, good-byes are hard, but there's always a new hello. It's just a matter of embracing it fully. For instance, I'm gonna be saying hello to new leadership roles (yikes, that's a scary thought). And to knew classes and ideas and knowledge which I am super stoked about. :D And then of course, there's hello to new places: college, possibly a new city, and even new countries. AH!!!

I am SOOOO thrilled about my trip. I absolutely cannot wait! We had a super long meeting yesterday to learn the 3 dramas we'll perform and go over specific etiquette. There's a lot I'm gonna have to get used to. I really need to start getting in shape now. We leave exactly 7 weeks from yesterday...wow. It can't come fast enough. I'm not nearly as nervous as I was a week ago.

My attitude is changing as I try to stay focused. I've realized that although it's hard, it's neat to see Satan attacking us the way he is....because it means he's scared! He sees the power we hold and the glory that is going to be displayed on our trip and wants to cut it off. Haha that idea is so thrilling! He's scared! God is already doing an amazing work in my life and I can feel that He's doing stuff around me. I can't wait to see it all.