Many Missives #11

Dear Friend,

I'll always love you. And I'll always always be there for you when you call. But I can't be around you anymore. It breaks my heart, but we are going in completely different directions. Already, we have nothing in common, nothing except precious memories. I'm not sure how to deal with this quite yet.

The way you talk to about "others" and their negative attitude is how I feel about you. Once again, I'm the dork. And all of sudden you're the cool kid. Honestly, it's one reason I'm really looking forward to college, it'll be easier to find people with more of the same interests. But it still hurts.

I really don't want to judge you, and I hope I'm not. But I feel like you're growing apart, not only from me, but from Jesus too. I hope it's just me being "moody" as you call it. I don't know, but your words seem so harsh. I feel like I can't talk to you without feeling attacked or ignored.

I guess I always knew we had to grow up. But I had hoped and imagined it wouldn't be like this, or painful at all. I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Your Old Pal

Toomba Sondosha

The past couple weeks and especially today, India has weighed extremely heavy on my heart. So....I thought I would share some more pictures. :)

Many Missives #10

Dear Jesus,

You truly are my joy. There isn't a fond memory that you aren't a part of. Remember that time you told me you were like a tree? That was when we were at Samford, and I was so excited to tell Chad Wade.

Remember when we were in India and you spoke 1 John 4:4 to me over and over? "But you belong to God, my dear servants. You have already won a great victory over these people because the spirit that lives in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

Remember when I was at what I thought was rock bottom and you smiled and said "I'm right here, I've got you"? Yeah, I remember too. Those were some of the best moments of my life.

"And He's set me on fire. I am burning alive. With His breath in my lungs. I am coming undone. You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy." :D

I love seeing how far I've come. How much our relationship has grown. And especially to imagine how close we're gonna be in the future. You kinda really always blow my mind, ya know. I can't imagine my life without you. And I dare not try.

"My God's not dead, He's surely alive. And He's living on the inside. Roaring like a lion!" :D

I love you. So. So. Much. You're my King, my friend, my lover, my comforter, my healer, my Father, my whole heart. Take it, Jesus, it's yours.

l'chaim,

Your Alexandria

Passion: Awakening

We know where the Spirit of Lord is
Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty
We know, living in Your freedom
Living in Your freedom we see Your glory
We know where the Spirit of the Lord is
Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty

We’re Yours and Yours is the kingdom
We are Yours and Yours is the kingdom

-Where the Spirit of the Lord is by:Chris Tomlin

Now I'm lost in your freedom
This world I'll overcome.

My God is not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion

-Like a Lion by:David Crowder

Well this is new...

People tell you all the time "You have to be prepared in college cause you'll get tested spiritually in ways you've never imagined before" But what happens when it starts even before you leave?

I'm just really discouraged. I feel like my whole life people have told me I can do anything I want (and they have) but now that I'm coming a place and time where I can actually decide what I want to do they question it like it's wrong. Maybe they're just trying to prepare me and make sure I'm making the right decisions, but I still don't have to like it do I? Everyone tells you to start figuring out what you want to do, so I do, and then they say "you wanna do what.....?" It hurts. Cause I want to please them, but I know this is what I wanna do, what I'm called to do. And if God for sure tells me "this is what you're going to do, this is what I want for you" do I really have to question it further and check out other options? I wouldn't think so. I mean, I see where mom is coming from but I don't necessarily have to visit a college to know if it's right, especially if I find out everything else is wrong....am I right?

I just wish I felt more support from my family. What if I'm not meant to stay home? Why is it so wrong for me to leave? I never said it would be easy for me, but you don't have to make it harder. I dunno.....

Many Missives #9

Dear X,

Dear pain, oh it's been a long time
Remember when you were holding me tight
I would stay awake with you all night
Dear shame, I was safe in your arms
You were there when it all fell apart
I would get so lost in your beautiful lies
I let you go, but you're still chasing

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Dear hate, I know you're not far
You would wait at the door of my heart
I was amazed at the passion in your cries
Dear anger, you made me so high
You were faithful to show up on time
Such a flame that was burning in your eyes
I let you go, but you're still chasing

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

You tempted me to look back
But everything that we had together was a lie

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Sincerely, Daughter of The King

These are lyrics from Disciples new single "Dear X". Thought it was a pretty good testimony and an excellent letter.

Many Missives #8

Dear Media,

STOP SENDING ME STUPID MESSAGES ABOUT UNREALISTIC RELATIONSHIPS AND SCREWING UP MY FOCUS ON THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP....MINE WITH JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Furiously,

Teenager

Many Missives #7

Dear Time,

You never leave me alone. You will haunt from now until forever. You think you're so much better than everyone. We all have to keep up with you, well, most of us anyway. India has you tamed pretty well I would say.

Why can't you just slow down for a minute. Must you always take everything away from me? Why were you so kind to Peter and the boys? But Wendy had to move on....you pushed her and pushed her. Is that what you're doing to me? I never get enough of you. Why must you always change everything?

You stress people out so much, it's ridiculous. I love you and live by you, but I could live without you. You are constantly on my mind....which is sad. Have you and your precious hands become my idol? Do I follow your rules before my Lord's? I really don't like you. What is your purpose anyway? To give me a "worm-theory"? I really don't like you.

Earnestly,

A Wrinkle

Many Missives #6

Dear Imagination,

This is definitely a love-hate relationship. I could never survive without you. You keep my striving for more, but many a time you've weakened me to my core. Reality can never hold up to your expectations. You are always a part of my dreams. I think of you often and reminisce about when we were younger. Haha you were my best friend. We would play all day. :)

You are still a huge part of my life. Every thing I do is better with your touch. You always know how to make me smile. And although you can bring disappointment, the good times are so worth it. I will always love/need you.

Until Never Never,

Wendy

So much for that....

I tried writing a letter every day....I really did, but I've been busy and tired, and NOT in a good mood this week haha so.....it didn't work out too well. I want to keep writing letters though....as long as I have a good enough topic to write to.

I'm having the hardest time writing my senior project research paper. I could talk about it all day long but actually finding research to back is up is easier said than done. :P Not to mention it's due Thursday, I'm almost 2/3 of the way done and I still don't have my required interview source for it. Sarah should be a good enough source though.

I've been thinking waaay too much lately. Haha I guess it figures though. I think part of the reason I've been so frustrated lately is because I have felt so lonely. I haven't talked to my friends (besides Sarah, briefly) since school started....so that's what? 5 weeks? It makes me sad because I love them so much. I know God's trying to get my attention or something, and I trust Him, but that doesn't mean it's not hard. I miss fellowshiping with my church friends. Although I must say that God has blessed me with some amazing friends at school this year. :) I think I'm finally starting to see the balance between ministry and close friends. Halle-lujah!

And YES! I do say "I think part of it is that...." If that bothers you, I'm not sorry. I get it from my mom. And I wouldn't change the way I talk or think for the world. Speaking of....

Bethany's got me thinking about minoring in sociology/anthropology in college. I'm seriously considering it....and I'm considering that college in Chicago again....I'm not sure why, but I can't seem to get it out of my head. I'm not too hot about Belmont anymore, but I'm trying to trust. I'm just praying that God opens my eyes, and opens and shuts doors, according to His will.

Yup, that's bout it for the moment....I really should be writing still but I'm too tired too think about it quite right now haha. Until tomorrow, my sweet. :)

Many Missives #5

Dear Ipod

First off, I'm surprised I haven't named you yet. o.O

Secondly, thank you ever so much for being one of my most dependable friends. For a 2nd generation nano you've held up pretty well. I can't believe it's been almost 5 years. I've dropped you plenty of times and still you light up every time we touch.

You hold all my secrets and never tell a soul. You talk just the right amount and never complain when I speak over you. You inspire me, you encourage me, you can make me cry (the good kind). You're taste in fashion is impeccable with your shiny fuchsia dress and your seasonally appropriate jackets. All in all, you're a pretty awesome chick. And I love you.

And you shall, forevermore, be known to me as Beatrix (aka: Bea)

Sincerely,

Maestro