This is my prayer in the desert

Please lay down your arrows
For they're sure to pierce the skin
And water from a broken well
Will make you thirst again
When all things you've acquired
Are tested by the flames
And you can see them melting
Then will you call his name

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your sin
Did you know that you are dearly loved

To the slaughters you are being led
Being told that it's a party
That this God is in your head
And every single lie
Sounds just like the greatest truth
But the one truth you're not hearing
Is that he died for you

No greater joy
No greater peace
No greater love than this

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your sin
Did you know that you are dearly loved

It's amazing to me how there's so many things you don't understand (although we think we do) until we are so close to them. And then your heart breaks because you finally understand that there's nothing you can do about it. And I've never claimed to be a strong prayer warrior, so I begin to feel especially helpless. This is partly why I'm so thankful for the family that I have. Because I have been so close to so much pain and I have a better understanding of such heartache and sickness and many people. And this is why I am excited about my sister's book. Her strength and passion inspires me. With a family like mine....us Horvath kids never stood a chance, and I'm afraid some of us got more than others. But with God's grace we've survived (and thrived) thus far and I have a feeling we have great things in our future. Praise Jesus we don't try to do it ourselves though. Been there done that and it got us no where. I'm just thankful for older siblings who taught me what Jesus looks like.

My Quiet White Greek Christmas (The Horvath Alternative)

This is half of my Christmas: Mom in the red, Carmen right behind her, Nick walking, and Micah bending over.

And this why I love them: My brothers are quite the gentlemen...offering to help Marmie down the hill. And Mom is never afraid to be goofy and have some fun.
Dad and Bethany and I stayed nice and warm inside the house and brought the dogs on the balcony to watch the fun from afar.

I could not be blessed with a greater family to celebrate with. We don't always get along but we certainly have been raised to remember the true purpose for things such as Christmas and Family. And we try to remain as grateful for our many blessings as possible. But we never forget to have a little fun while we're at it. ;)

Psalm 118

To Do:

• Make Jesus my new BFF
• Purge my room (and my heart) of junk
• Prepare for my new adventures (i.e. college, ATL, etc.)
• Relax enough to actually enjoy this holiday with my family and my Savior

Progress Thus Far:

• In progress
• Complete
• Partially Complete
• In progress

I started my afternoon by journaling and reading. And God and I had a pretty good conversation. He promised me that a storm is coming....and I said bring it on. I feel like I'm hiking and I'm coming up to this giant mountain face, it starts out pretty rough but manageable and then I look up and see one rope and few foot-holds. I know that once I start climbing the people on that started the hike with me are gonna get scared and climb back down or stand at the bottom wishing they had the courage to climb. I'm not afraid of falling cause I know I'll land on an eagle anyway.

I went through my room and got rid of lots and lots of papers. This is good. I got rid of lots and lots of memories within those papers. And I needed that. It's time to live in the present, not the past. To live with Jesus, not people. I'm ready for change. I love change.

After I received this vision, I wrote my support letter for Atlanta and I got super excited. This trip is going to be a completely new experience for me. I get to lead and serve and get pushed out of my comfort zone. And while it's kinda scary, it's also oh so thrilling.

What's scarier is that I just made the final decision of where I'm going to college. It's daunting and I'm still unsure about it. This is the next four years of my life. But I'm trusting. I'm gonna mail off my decision next week....Maryville College....here I come (sooner or later).

And now, it's the day before Christmas Eve, everyone is almost off work. And I am so excited. Although this year will probably be a little tense in some places, I'm promising to myself that I won't let it get in the way of the holiday. This is Christmas, yeah it's nice to have family around this time of year but that's not the point. Christmas...the birth of God. That's clearly insane. And I'm only now starting to sort of kind of not really grasp the magnitude of that idea.

I cannot stop thanking Jesus for the countless blessings this year. I cannot stop praising Him just because. I mean, there are honestly NO words for it. Just think about who He is for a minute and you'll probably go crazy, haha. I love Him. And I'm beginning to fall in love with the Old Testament. It's such a pure depiction of the gospel. In fact, it's my opinion that the Old Testament is more relevant to lives today than the New Testament is. Ah, just thinking about all of this wonderful truth makes my heart sing.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Blessings to all and a Christ-filled New Year. :)

Oh Holy Night

The Coffee is Getting Cold

So I definitely missed the first year anniversary of "Stayin Gold" and I must say that I'm frightened by how quickly this year has gone by. But it was a good one (for the most part). There were struggles, but since the summer it has been nothing but change and growth and adventure. And I laugh to myself....that's what this blog is about but I never imagined this is what my journey would look like. Although we never do I suppose.

And this week is Christmas. India has weighed heavy on my heart this week. I don't know why. I don't miss it. I miss the believers and my dear dear friends that are still there, but I don't miss India. I miss the culture and the excitement that was my trip, but not the country.

This summer I'm staying state-side and going to Atlanta with my precious 7th graders and other middle schoolers that I'm good friends with. We'll be working with Church on the Street in ministering to the homeless. I'm scared but excited. This will be a chance for me to bond with teenagers younger than me and to actively teach and lead them while also sharing Jesus with people I don't know. Plus this will push me further out of my comfort zone. India wasn't so bad cause they love Americans, but it's going to be much more work to in Atlanta, and I'm excited for a push. I think it's been a long time coming.

For a Friend of Mine:

Today my family went to get a Christmas tree from the tree lot. We walked around for an hour, chose the perfect one, bought it, and drove home. It wasn't until we got home that we realized we had forgotten the tree. MLIA

Today, I saw a police man texting while driving. MLIA

The other day I lost my pencil. Today, I woke up to find my pencil in my sock. MLIA

My college is literally a castle. It's modeled after the same one that Hogwarts is modeled after. So at work (Enrollment Management), I was sent down to the dungeon/basement to pick up some boxes. While I was down there looking for them, I saw a creepy-sih older gentleman wandering around in the back room. He was reaaaally pale, bald, and wearing a long black coat. Then he turned around and I saw he literally had no nose. Medical reasons? Or Voldemort? MLIA

Last week, my mom bought these organic animal crackers from the grocery store. At lunch the next day all my friends were comparing their lunches. My friend asked me what I had and I said "Oh, just some animal crackers." The entire table went silent. We immediately started playing "Wild Safari" and making animal noises to go along with it. After five minutes we looked up to see almost everyone staring at us. I love my friends. MLIA

Today, after having a fight with my friend, I was depressed. Feeling like crap, I went to my phone and said, "Oh phone, you never disappoint me." Just then, it ran out of battery. The world is plotting against me. MLIA

I live in Minnesota, and yesterday we had a huge snow storm. Today, I woke up wondering how much snow we had gotten. I opened my shade, and the entire basement window well was filled with snow. This was surprising, but it was nothing compared to the surprise I got when, at that moment, my six year old brother dug through the mound of snow, smashed his face against the window, and yelled "I'M GOING TO GET YOU" at the top of his lungs. I am pretty sure my heart rate is still not back to normal. MLIA

P.S. I win. :)

The Happiest Place on Earth

I don't know about you, but I definitely grew up on Disney Movies...the cartoons. And as I was reminiscing the other day it hit me: for some reason most people I know resemble the protagonist of their favorite disney movie. Now I'm not sure whether this is because we love the characters we can empathize with or if we mimic the characters we fall in love with. Either way, it makes for a lot of fun. For example:

• Micah: Sword in the stone; He's determined and stubborn, and always ready for adventure, loves to work but gets bored if it's not something he's passionate about.
• Katelyn: Pocahontas; loves being outside and having fun, not afraid to stand up for herself and those she loves, headstrong.
• Me: Beauty and the Beast; would do anything for my family, tend to make friends with the unexpected, always have my nose in a book, fellow "villagers" usually stand against me.
• Jackie: The Little Mermaid; has big dreams and a big heart, loves the water, doesn't mind leaving her home but will always come back.
• Nick: The Jungle Book; has that one good friend to look out for him, trying to find his way back to where he belongs (even though he doesn't want to and complains a lot on the way), gets stopped by many distractions, but ultimately finds his beautiful girl.

Anyway, I was randomly thinking about the last week and thought it would be a fun blog topic. What's your favorite Disney movie and why? I'd love to know. :)

To Lose is To Gain

There are days I look back and say....geeze God you sure saved me from a lot of non-sense....and now I'm so much happier...so why did I fight so hard? Today would be one of those days.

Jesus likes to take people away from me. You see, I like people...sort of. I get super attached to people...instead of Jesus. So He tends to take them away or move me rather quickly. Which in hind-sight is the best thing for me. But at the time it's no fun. Thankfully, He's a dad who gives only the best gifts ever! So....as I sit and mope He sends people to comfort and strengthen me....plus they usually direct me towards Jesus which is awesome.

Now...recently I've gone into this introvert stage where I prefer to sit at home and read and listen to music, or people watch....but I'm starting to really hate school. Just because I don't feel like interacting with people. Granted, spending time alone with Jesus comes first...but Jesus was very rarely by Himself. I can only think of two passages (Although I'm sure there's more) where Jesus was completely alone with the Father. However, there are countless scenarios where Jesus was interacting with people...right?

On the one hand I say to myself, "Jesus people lead me to sin and get distracted from you" but on the other hand, I know I am commanded to "love others as myself". It's not easy, but it's what Jesus did. So I can enjoy my time by myself, but I also have to actively seek out those that need the love of Jesus. See, it's only when I start ignoring Jesus (even if only a little) that I start to have a crappy relationship.

But what I'm trying to say is that I praise God daily for His mercy. All those times I felt like I had gotten the short stick...that was my Jesus, saving my life, and wooing me into His arms. Praise be to the Almighty God, my Savior. And I love Him. More than you know....for real.