Lifelong Lessons

This year started out as a year of humility. So far, there have been many revelations about what the word "humility" really means and looks like. Especially in Atlanta and while continuing to get to know my middle schoolers.

And recently there's been a new chapter of humility that I'm beginning to learn. A vital part. I know it sounds crazy, it's one of the fundamentals of Christianity. But right now I'm learning how to pray.

On a mission trip to CT the summer of 8th grade was when I really learned that prayer was a constant conversation. Just me talking to God as if He was someone on my shoulder or something. Just talking.

In India I learned how to pray with power and authority. We have the authority to bind evil because we are one with Christ.

At camp and in Atlanta God taught many of us how to pray with expectancy. Pray and believe that God will answer. Because He sure is mighty enough to do it and He is faithful enough to do it.

And that brings me to what I'm learning as of now. This is a different kind of prayer. It sort of culminates everything while revealing new truths. Father is showing me how to pray for others.

I've always been so proud of my mom. She's been my picture of a prayer warrior, and she is a mighty one. But me, I always left it up to her to desperately pray for others. Not anymore. God is stretching my heart and putting words in it to pray for others. Using all the tools listed above to help me understand the purpose and the importance of it.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. Praying. Interceding for others. Someone recently told me that God's given me a gift to see bigger pictures and that one reason is so that I can pray for others when they don't see it. So that's what I've resolved to do.

My Lord has placed so many people in my life that He wants me to pray for. And I want to. Because I want them to "get it" so badly.

I'm praying.

Beautiful Things

Tonight God's reminding me that although I am a treasured vessel, I am still broken and will continue to need my Father's gentle hand to comfort and mold me into a new and whole creation.

And He created us to cry and need comfort and love. If we didn't need it, how would we know how to give it? Love...hm...it's a fascinating subject.

Wonder Bread or Hearty Meat

Today I feel like Esther. I've felt like her plenty of times before, but this is different.

I'm blown away by blessings. I feel loved. Because my King picked me. He chose me. He trusts me with his work here on earth. He loves me so much that He wants to use me. He wants to see me do great things. He's put me here, and in a position of leadership so He can point to me and say, "That's my girl."

So it's like Esther. She went to her king and pleaded on behalf of her people. But even before that, he trusted her. He loved her. He wanted her to do great things. And even before that, her heavenly King had already done the same thing in her life.

It's frightening, but I find solace in the truth that I've already won. No matter what I do from here on out, God's plan cannot fail. He's already succeeded. It's done already. I'm just an empty vessel being filled and poured out to quench the thirst of His beloved people. So really, I have absolutely no reason to be scared. It may be awkward, and I may stumble, but God's still got his hands wrapped around this clay jar.

So I challenge you today to do something courageous. Go after the meat, go after something more. Step up to the throne and Do Something.

Manifesto

This is definitely my favorite song at the moment. Every time I listen to it I get chills and want to jump up and down.

There's just something so very powerful and thrilling about a group of believers declaring truth and being in agreement with one another. And music is already a powerful tool in and of itself, so when it's coupled with praising God just for who He is....it always always blows my socks off.

Plus his voice and the music itself is just plum amazing.

In the Smokey Foothills

I wonder if my roommate will mind me singing along while I blast my bluegrass. I love me some sweet mandolin, banjo, and guitar...and Chris Thile helps a lot too. :)

That's Not Normal

A lot of times, I don't fit in. And I'm okay with that. In fact, it's pretty much all that I've eve known. I grew up as the dreamer of the family, always dancing around in my own little world. At school I was the minority, the token white kid/brainiac from 6th-12th grades. Even at church I was somehow always so different from the home-schoolers and private school kids and even the other public school kids (maybe I wasn't southern enough yet :)

Now, I'm even more different from them...it's something deep inside of me. This longing to be apart of something more, something bigger. This inherent knowledge that I'm meant for more, that I come from something greater. I'm not from around here. And I can finally put words to it: I am in this world, but I am not of it. It's hard for me to connect with this world because I think differently, I have a new life that is different.

I've always prided myself on being different. I never wanted to be like everyone else. Sure I wanted to be popular or rich or famous at times but still...I always liked my quirks.

As I grow up and begin to understand what all my quirks entail and what it truly means to be different (and the baggage that can easily be picked up with it) the more I long to embrace it.

The more I fall in love with Jesus and see how different He is. The more I long to be different with Him, like Him. And the more it is that I notice my difference.

But being different can get lonely. Nerd moment: It's like that scene in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix when Harry is talking to Luna and she says something like. "If I were you-know-who I would want you to feel all alone, because if it's just you then you're not as much of a threat."

But I'm not alone. I have friends who feel the same way a lot of the time. And although I may not see them as often as I would like, that's because we're all out doing our jobs in this world...and it is beautiful work to behold. One of these friends once told me, "We can't make a difference unless we're different." And I have never forgotten that.

So yes, I want to be different. I will always be different. But I will never be alone. And the cool part is that us "foreigners" can always spot out others like us...and we're attracted to them, we gravitate towards those relationships because we crave to be around those similarities within us. That way we're never alone.

My hope and prayer is that through being different, I make a difference.

A Grateful Wife

Today in our weekly high school bible study we went around and each shared "our story" or testimony. There were only 8 of us.

About halfway through the third one I remembered something that was said in Atlanta about the friends we were meeting. They have broken relationships.

And that is something we all have in common...we all have broken relationships.

And like an epiphany (although it's rather obvious) that our broken relationships stem from our broken relationship with God. We can't ever imagine to have whole relationships in this world unless our relationship with God is made right. And unless we accept His sacrifice, we refuse to fix the relationship.

I'm beginning to see that in my own life. As I start to draw closer to Father and He mends my heart, my relationship with my family and friends is mended as well, and new relationships are formed...righteous ones that are healthy and whole.

Each and every person's testimony, I believe, will not only contain a broken relationship with Father, but with other people as well.

It gives me a whole new perspective on how and why people respond the way they do to life.

This is a lesson that must be remembered and relearned as I live a life of constant missions. I can already tell you that. This is the core of Christ's ministry...He came to heal the brokenness and to fill the emptiness with His presence, through a relationship and intimacy with Him and Father.

It's no wonder I love people. It's not wonder I feel so deeply for them when they hurt. Because I've been there...we all have. We all know the pain of loneliness, neglect, betrayal. We all crave that perfect relationship and are wounded when it's not there.

I'm rambling, I've had a rather large cup of coffee tonight...so thanks if you're still reading. This is just some stuff I was thinking about today and journaling through. Thinking about my "before and after" and it's a life I never imagined I would live. But I'm also at a point I never dreamed I would make it to. (that probably doesn't make sense, and that's okay) I'm reminded of the verse Isaiah 54:5-6. Please go read it...right now...in ESV (cause that's where I know the words match this post ha).

I just can't get over how good, how big, how (no words at all) my God is...He never ceases to make my heart burst with smiles.

Again, I'm rambling...but He's so worth every word. :) Love Him.

Musings from a Teacher

“Facing this stuff in real life is not like school. In school, if you make a mistake you can just try again tomorrow, but out there, when you’re a second away from being murdered or watching a friend die right before your eyes… you don’t know what that’s like.”

This quote tugs on my heart so badly. I went to high school with a lot of kids who dealt with unimaginable things on a day to day basis. We also had a pretty large gang affiliation for a school with only 600 kids.

So this quotation means a lot to me. It reminds me how hard it is for some people to learn academics, it's not that they don't want to...but maybe in the context of survival it's not at the top of the priority list. And why should it be?

Why do teachers say "you'll use this later in life" when they have no idea what the child will be doing "later in life"?

There has to be more than just facts taught in school. That's always been my goal. I don't just want to "teach," I want to build relationships and love and be Jesus for these kids all while talking and sharing about what I'm good at, what gets me excited. I don't know about you but that sounds like a dream job to me.

I was told this year that I will never have a greater impact on the world than while I'm in high school. So why not be in school for the rest of my life?

This may not make much sense, it's a lot of rambling. So if you're still reading and comprehending...I thank you.

What I'm really trying to say is that I have to keep in mind that you never know what someone is going through. And that teachers see their kids ever single day for hours at a time. That's a lot of possible seed-planting and Jesus-loving.

But we'll see what the future holds. Whatever it is...it's gonna be crazy wicked awesome. :)

Start Now

This morning I kept asking myself: Why didn't I do more? Why wasn't I pursuing Christ in high school with passion?

I still can't answer that question, and if I ever tried I'd just be making something up. I was so frustrated with myself for all the lost time. High schoolers are some of the most powerful, empowered people with the most opportunities. And I wasted 3 years on myself, reaching for my goals (sometimes rebelling against them). And now I look at all that I had and say to myself "why didn't I take advantage? I could have done so many wonderful things for the Kingdom."

And Jesus keeps laying these two simple words on my heart: Start Now. I have to do something about it now. If I keep living in my regrets I'll miss out on each new season that comes.

I'm encouraged to take what I learned in living an ungodly life in high school and transforming it into my college life.

God didn't want me to hurt or my heart to break or emptiness to consume me the way it did, but he can use those scars to relate to people I'm going to meet. He's already told me that my story is going to be powerful in how I relate and respond to other people.

I also have to take into consideration what I learned in Atlanta: People are people, priceless children of God, not objects to be fixed or helped with my "Christian charity" but to be loved and told they're valued through true humility.

Anyway, that's how God moved my heart this morning. He continues to mold me for college and what lies beyond. I praise Him for having brought me so far. It blows my mind. He never ceases to amaze me. Love it.

Something Beautiful

Today is a day for reading, and coffee, and listening to Needtobreathe.

Thanks to the beautiful Miss Natalie Lloyd. I finally recieved The Invention of Hugo Cabret in the mail yesterday along with Do Hard things by the Harris brothers. But I decided to read the former first. :)

And it is beyond magical. I haven't fallen this in love with a book since...since...the first time I read C.S. Lewis' A Horse and His Boy or S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders. This does not mean that it's my new favorite, but it's certainly one I'm never getting rid of either.

I'm only in chapter 7 but this one sentence broke my heart. It said: He missed being read to. Every time I even say that in my head I want to sigh out loud. Maybe it's because I love reading so much, or because I love learning, or because I love teaching. But I hate to imagine a child not being read to, especially one who longs for it. Reading teaches you countless things in ways that no person can.

Therefore, whenever I become a teacher, no matter how old the kids that I'm teaching are, there will be reading aloud. By me or by themselves. There's nothing that makes me feel so confidant and intelligent than reading aloud, even if I mess up, even if it's just to myself. I love it.

This is part of what makes me different. Someone told me not to long ago (someone very dear to me) "when I first saw you I didn't think you were from around here, and then you came back from India and so you wore all those clothes and you just looked like you were foreign, from another country. You don't look like you're from here."

That is quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone has ever told me, ever. God's given me this wanderlust and a desire to be different, ever since I was born.

It makes me giggle. Jesus, you're so creative. I can just see Him saying something like "well, she's going to look Greek, but she'll have an Indian head bobble, and a southern accent, and she'll dress like she lives in Europe and she'll travel the world learning all sorts of things...just for me."

And all that came from one sentence from Hugo Cabret. (He's my new friend).

Rocky Top seems so far away

I'm beginning to get really excited about college. It's going to be a 4 year mission trip. Of course I'm going to have a grand time learning and making new friends and experiencing God in ways I've never dreamed of. But the Father's really laid it on my heart to declare freedom over my campus. He's opening my eyes to lots of bondage including religion and misconceptions of love.

Maryville is a campus that is proud of its compassion for the world around them, emphasis on the world. They are right in loving and serving, but they also believe in tolerance. It breaks my heart. I have this image of the campus full of joy and light and seeing people who step foot on it immediately knowing it's different from the world. Isn't that lovely? No, it's wonderful, captivating, exhilarating to imagine! I'm so excited to see it start happening.

I got my roommate assignment two days ago. And already I'm beginning to love her (despite what Nick might say). I'm praying her heart is open to someone like me...I'm a little different in case you didn't know haha.

I'm so ready to learn and grow. I know it's going to be hard though.

God showed me another metaphor:

I feel as though I'm at the foot of a mountain (also Maryville sits at the foot of The Great Smokey Mountains, no irony there). So I'm staring up at these mountains and I know that I have to climb them, in fact, my feet are itching to get started. Because once I get to the top I will look out over the nations (hopefully India) and speak truth and love and then I will travel DOWN the mountain (scary thought) and venture into the next season of my journey. And as I look up to this mountain that is still without a peak, I can't help but meditate over Isaiah 52:11-12

"Deport, deport, go from there; touch no unclean thing; go out from the midst of her; purify yourselves, you who bear the vessels of the Lord. For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight, for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."

How thrilling is that?!

Therefore, I continue to stand in authority, after girding myself with the perfect armor of God Ephesians 6:10-20. I arise and take my place, ready to charge the gates of hell as a daughter of the King, the bride of Christ, a saint of the Lord of Hosts.