Thoughts for a Blustery Afternoon

Listening to: After the Storm by Mumford and Sons and the wind howl and rage outside my wall of windows on the 3rd floor of Davis Hall

I look out of my windows and see the big pine tree bend and sway, each branch dances (whether out of joy or fright I'm not yet sure) and in the distance there are mountains. The mountains look so picturesque with the sun behind them creating a halo-effect. 

I've said this before but of course I'll say it again, I love the wind, like you have no idea. If I could stand in the midst of a hurricane or tornado just for the wind, I might. Because just before the storm hits, everything stops. The animals and people get silent and it gets harder to breathe as the humidity rises and the wind picks up. You know something's coming. It's that heart-stopping moment of joy combined with curious anticipation.

I was journaling this morning about how I feel the same way. And now that I think about it, this feeling has been going on for awhile.

That feeling before the storm. You know something is coming. You see it in the clouds, hear it from the birds, and as the wind continues to grow fiercer you feel it in your heart as it beats rapidly. You don't know what to expect so there's the curiosity, but yet you know that whatever it is is something powerful, something worth waiting for so you wait eagerly. The spirit can feel it. God is doing something, it's coming. I'm not sure what it is, but I want to be caught up in the middle of it for sure.

You know that scene in Disney' Pocahontas (maybe you don't) where she sings Colors of the Wind and the wind and leaves are whipping around her?

Yeah, that's kinda what I feel like. Except, a lot cooler cause I never really liked Pocahontas. Anyway...

That's what the wind always reminds me of, especially during tornado season. That's one thing I love about living in a valley, the wind. It reminds me that the spirit is always moving. And that He is powerful. And that I'm not the only one who understands. And that I am safe in His arms.

Re-Learning the Same Old Lessons

Now Playing: Revelation Song

"Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him."
 -Matthew 4:22 (ESV)

Recently I've caught myself a lot been convicted by the Holy Spirit a lot of just how often I claim my career or major as my identity. Whenever people comment on what I say or how I communicate I attribute it to being a teacher or an English major. Which is great, God has placed those desires and talents in my heart.

But those things aren't what defines me. I am called by a different title: Princess, Treasure, Warrior, Servant, Lover...

So tonight at small group, when a dear friend stated the possibility of God demanding us to leave everything we have placed our identities in (as Matthew 4:22 says) I immediately said "No" to the Holy Spirit. It's hard to think about giving up everything you've worked so hard for and have looked so forward to for so long.

I use the excuse, "but I just can't imagine myself doing anything else. Surely this is what I was made for." But according to Urbana '12, I was made for something greater. And only God knows what I will be doing, what He'll be doing through me.

I am so thankful to God for the truth that He has spoken through my friends recently and for the unquenchable thirst for Him that He has placed in my heart. Even when I try to live out of my own works, I feel that tug on my heart, my spirit cries for something deeper, for truth, for real power. And I'm so so so grateful. Like the prodigal son who sees His Father waiting anxiously for His return. Because I am so in love with Him, I'm not content with a long-distance relationship. I need Him here and now. He's the beau waiting with flowers as I step off of the plane.

And now I've gotten onto a tangent...but I usually tend to do that. Once you start praising God for who He is, you can't stop. Worship is such a powerful thing. Because He deserves it, oh how He deserves it.

Lord, I want to live a life of worship. May your praise never leave my lips. I so badly want to get back to the time we used to spend alone together. Show me how, open my eyes to the opportunities I have to spend with you. I don't want to keep ignoring them. I need you, Jesus, my Love.

Remember

Recently I've been so concerned because I could see myself getting more judgmental and condescending and gross. Something was in the way of seeing people the way Jesus sees them, of loving them with reckless abandon and great compassion.

Tonight I watched Furious Love (Warning: not for the faint of heart...seriously). But it reminded me that God's love is bigger than me. It's meant for more than me. And yet, He loves me.



The movie reminded me of people like Jennifer, who want God but feel "stuck."

It reminded me of people like Larissa, who know what it means to be loved after knowing the pain of abandonment.

Furious Love reminded me that there's no way I deserve God's love, but that He doesn't care about any of that.

It reminded me of what my dear Sarah once said. The reason God's love is so unconditional is because God. Is. Love. It's not like He can run out of it or stop it, because it's who He is, it's not something He feels or has or does.

Now Listen to THIS!

And love is the most powerful thing we have. Love is what died for us, love is what heals us. Love transforms us, love empowers, love conquers, love unites.

"There is no fear in love, but dperfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not abeen perfected in love." 1 John 4:18


Because God is love, I won't be afraid. I can free the nations with you on my side! It's no coincidence that God loves me and that His love is power. He commands me to love others (because He first loves us) so that His power can be displayed, so that His love can change lives. There's a bigger picture here, a selfless one that I've been missing for awhile. Why would I fear when I have something so... perfect.



"Our soul waits for the LORD; 
   he is our help and our shield. 
²¹ For our heart is glad in him, 
   because we trust in his holy name. 
²² Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, 
   even as we hope in you." 

Psalm 33:20-22

My God, do NOT let me get any more comfortable. Shake my world, open my eyes and heart and hands to the mind-blowing, earth-shattering love that you have, that you are. There is something huge coming, we can see it. Prepare us, use us, mold us, Great Potter. Break EVERY chain. Let no wall be left standing. 

The Job You Want

Let's start off with some fun, shall we?

You ever have one of those moments where you're surrounded by such genuine friends that you mentally step back a minute and think "is this real? Of course this is real. How on earth did I get so blessed?!" I've had quite a few of those moments this week.

So that now when I'm alone for the weekend I get to step back and remember that this is only 2/3 of my life. I have an entire family back home, not to mention all of the other friends, or even still the friends that have gone their own ways as well. It's a strange feeling: to remember.

It makes me laugh/cringe to think that things will change again. That flippy-floppy feeling of wanting the better things to come but feeling content with things as they are. I can't say I regret moving on in life. Nope, it's been nothing but great awesomeness.

So then, I'll remember that now. I do not regret moving forward. And I am seeking forward with Christ, closer to His heart.

"In your presence God, I'm completely satisfied. For you I sing, I dance, rejoice in this divine romance. Lift my heart and my hands to show my love, to show my love." -Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

I'm so thankful for the friendships God's provided. Thankful that I'm finally able to feel like I am a piece of the group and not just "the new kid" or "the younger tagalong" or something ridiculous like that. I have friends who have things in common with me and have similar goals/ideals. People I can relate to and that can relate to me, even if they don't really know it yet. People who will be honest with me, hold me accountable and I won't feel attacked or belittled.

But I think the thing that has meant the most to me is that these people include me and seem to truly appreciate me, even if I was the awkward creepy one at first. ;)

I think Mr. Groundhog was wrong this year...

Let's start off w/ a fun picture from the most gorgeous lovable comforting campus in the world. (Because I'm not biased AT ALL!) Taken from one of my most favoritest reading spots on campus. :) The famous smoke-stacks. (They burn the wood chips that create steam used to heat building all over campus! How exciting is that, tell me that's not exciting. Psh, that's what I thought!

Hello all, my what wonderful weather the South is having, 'm I right?! So sorry for how long it's been since I last blogged...I never realized college would get so busy or that my heart would be so full to know of anything to write about.

Lately I've been itching to go do something active, like hiking or long-boarding or running. But I'm hesitant so far, because I know that physically I am tired and my knees are weak and I'm just not well enough to. Then again, if you don't start training how can you ever come up to par?

And that's when I realized this is another one of those metaphors.

My heart has been heavy feeling like I'm not ministering enough. My spirit wants to be doing something active. I've been beating myself up because I thought it was because I just didn't feel like it. And maybe that is the case. However, some of it is also that I'm not taking care of myself enough so that I'm prepared to do something that big. I'm not in shape. I'm tired and a quite honestly I feel weak.

I get it though, unless I start moving and serving and whatever else God wants me to be actively pursuing, I'll never get to the place that I want to be.

So instead of moping, I'm choosing to say "yes." Choosing to act even when I don't feel like it. Choosing to surrender to God and act upon the needs of others that He opens my eyes to rather than just trying to fill my own. That's His job anyway, right?

But I'm also choosing to open my heart to the encouraging words from others that have felt pretty frequent lately. Because if I don't accept the truth that they speak over my name then I'm telling God I don't want His words of adoration, His relationship, and that is NOT okay.

Which reminds me that I'm really excited about Sunday, not just because I'm having ice cream with the Finneys. :) (Although that'd sound like crazy fun to you too if you knew these amazing newlyweds) But because Jared (pastor of Mercy Chapel) is teaching from James about how humility is "not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less." So yeah, God's pretty genius if I do say so myself...and I do.

 And I suppose I'll end with one of my favorite bands (going to see them in March thanks to one Miss Sarah the beautiful! Happy Birthdays to us!) And a song that God sings so dearly over me. :)