What are You Waiting For?

"I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home. Jesus said to him, 'No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.'"
Luke 9:61-62

Man these verses hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. Because I'm about to jump into the next adventure God has for me, and instead of preparing for it I've spent my time missing my last adventure. It was a great adventure. And Jesus taught me so so so much through it. And I know they are memories to cherish for forever, but I don't need to wallow. I was there, and now God's taking me somewhere else, and that is a very good thing. I must choose to trust that my God is capable of handling what I was a part of. This:

These girls are just a couple of the most amazing people ever that I spent last summer, and the past three years hanging out with. I used to call them "my middle schoolers" although now they're starting high school. Crazy. And they're at camp this week and I've already seen and heard that God is doing incredible things up there. Which makes me miss them and wish I was there. But I know that they are becoming leaders now and I am so intensely proud of them. But I do wish that I was there to see it all first-hand. 

Which is why Luke 9:62 was a reality check. Next week I'm headed up to Burkesville, KY (don't ask, I have no earthly idea where it is, although I've been told it's the middle of no where). To work with kids all summer at a camp. And up until now I've been super extremely digging my heels in kind of nervous because this is something completely new for me and I have no idea what to expect. But then Jesus was like "who cares, I'm already there and you know this is what I've told you to do. Why aren't you letting me handle it and why are you so hesitant to grow and change?" I've always said I'm a sucker for change. But in order for that to happen I have to stop looking to the past.

I will never stop praying for my kids, I am so proud of them. But I must also begin to pray for my new kids at camp this summer and for my new peers and all of the adventures that are waiting for me in Kentucky. 

My summers are anything but routine and this year is no different. I don't know what's going to happen. But I know it's going to be great. And I know that even when I'm not there 24/7 I'm still leading my now-high-schoolers by example. So that they see me following God faithfully, trusting that He has the plan mapped out and taken care of all the details. I pray that they have the strength and wisdom to do so the first time God calls them. They're already so far ahead of where so many people my age are at spiritually, plus they're just so much fun. :)

A Book To Call My Own

Listening to: Of Men and Angels by The Rocket Summer

"Those rich Enders acted like they'd forgotten there ever was a war. I wanted to shake them and ask, Don't you remember?...It was a war, people. Nobody won. Not us, not the Pac Rim countries. In less than a year, the face of America changed to a sprinkling of Starters like me in a sea of silver-haired Enders, well off, well fed, and oblivious."
-Starters by Lissa Price, p.28

Bet you can guess that I started a new book. But I'm gonna hold off on the fan-girl gushing. Don't get me wrong, I've already fallen in love with it (I usually do in the first few chapters). But I've decided to take my love of books more seriously, more personal. Therefore, I'm waiting to see if this is a book that can be just mine, or whether its one worth sharing, worth the possibility of its being taken advantage of by less careful readers. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, I mean it's just a book, right?

And I realize that the most important things in life are worth sharing. But I'm going to be more careful in my sharing of books. Call me crazy, but I take it personally when I've recommended a book to someone, even let them borrow my own copy of it, and you give it back without reading it. Especially when it's a book that has meant so much to me and my heart. I don't care if you keep the book forever, but I gave it to you for a reason.

That's what I mean about being more careful with sharing my books. Like when I gave Syd a copy of There You'll Find Me. I knew it was perfect fit (book to reader) because she already loves Jenny B. Jones and she's spunky like Finley. We're a lot alike, Syd and I. So I know that books mean as much to her as they do to me. Our relationship is one of those that are once or twice in a lifetime. Circumstantially we seem similar in many ways, but she's so much stronger than me, not to mention years younger. And I am so proud of her. So I will share many books with her I am sure. Haha she's one of the first people to get me interested in Hunger Games about a year and a half ago. She's got fabulous tastes. ;)

How's your heart?

This is my favorite question both to ask and be asked. Because, well. It means a lot more than "how are you doing?" or something like that. I have answered this many times with tears and laughs and hugs and sometimes with just the nod/shake of a head. And sometimes that's all it takes. 

This question let's someone know just how much you care, how much you love. It says "Tell me everything and then some." This is the question of real relationships.

And this question makes me miss the ones that have come to answer this question with abandon.

People Are Important to Me

"You get the grace amazing." -Jimmy Needham

Oh how God is so good. Despite all of my human flaws, God reigns so supremely. 

I haven't been in the word nearly as much as I should be, nearly as much as I used to be. And still Jesus' light shines through. Still the Holy Spirit is able to take over my words and actions and use them for His glory. How worthy is the Lord that I worship.

These are the reasons that I am not a fan of groups of people. Because it doesn't ever truly feel real to me. Long car rides or hours of sipping coffee, those are the conversations that I remember. That quiet that feels free and not awkward. That silence that bonds two or three people together. That's when I feel like I know you, when I get to see the real you. Just us, no fluff. 

I've never been a fan of fluff. I don't like casual conversations. Tell me how your heart is and I know how to love you better, tell me "fine" and it makes things difficult.

I don't use the word family lightly. But this year/semester really my family has grown exponentially. And if I was completely honest that's one of the reasons why I don't feel ready for this year to end. Because I know that people/things change throughout the summer and when we come back things won't look like they do now. I'm afraid of losing this closeness with my family up here. There are some people that I know we'll only get closer next year. But as schedules change, along with minds that I'm afraid that maybe I'll be forgotten, even if it's just a little bit. That while my attachments to these people will remain, theirs will slowly fade until we get back in the fall and it's back to the shallow conversations and generalities.

Perhaps I am being completely ridiculous in feeling this way. I'm sure I am. I thought I was getting better at goodbyes, but for some reason this time feels super hard. Harder than saying goodbye to my biological family. And I feel a little bit guilty about that. 

Wanderlust All Over

Whenever I listen to this song my mind wanders and I long to curl up and read.


Tonight my gypsy heart is in a far off land (perhaps some place like the French countryside). Somewhere dreamy and sentimental with lots of good history, literature, and culture.




Maybe it's because I'm getting restless and I know there's change a'coming.