Oh how God is so good. Despite all of my human flaws, God reigns so supremely.
I haven't been in the word nearly as much as I should be, nearly as much as I used to be. And still Jesus' light shines through. Still the Holy Spirit is able to take over my words and actions and use them for His glory. How worthy is the Lord that I worship.
These are the reasons that I am not a fan of groups of people. Because it doesn't ever truly feel real to me. Long car rides or hours of sipping coffee, those are the conversations that I remember. That quiet that feels free and not awkward. That silence that bonds two or three people together. That's when I feel like I know you, when I get to see the real you. Just us, no fluff.
I've never been a fan of fluff. I don't like casual conversations. Tell me how your heart is and I know how to love you better, tell me "fine" and it makes things difficult.
I don't use the word family lightly. But this year/semester really my family has grown exponentially. And if I was completely honest that's one of the reasons why I don't feel ready for this year to end. Because I know that people/things change throughout the summer and when we come back things won't look like they do now. I'm afraid of losing this closeness with my family up here. There are some people that I know we'll only get closer next year. But as schedules change, along with minds that I'm afraid that maybe I'll be forgotten, even if it's just a little bit. That while my attachments to these people will remain, theirs will slowly fade until we get back in the fall and it's back to the shallow conversations and generalities.
Perhaps I am being completely ridiculous in feeling this way. I'm sure I am. I thought I was getting better at goodbyes, but for some reason this time feels super hard. Harder than saying goodbye to my biological family. And I feel a little bit guilty about that.
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