Deeelicious

First off, that title is supposed to be read in the same tone as a Southern girl who just had her first glass of sweet tea for the summer. :)

But this post is not about food or drinks, sorry...I would be disappointed myself except that the subject matter is SO much better.

Recently, every time I have opened my Bible I just want to take a giant sniff of it and hold it up/onto my face for a few minutes. It brings me chills just to open it. And then to start reading, my heart flutters: like my hand has just been brushed my the hottest guy in youth group, like the first day of school in the front row of the class and my teacher begins to lecture, like you just put on the prettiest dress you have and are dolled up.

The Word is delicious. Tantalizing, mouth-watering, exhilarating goodness. It's not just words, it's TRUTH and every word brings comfort and conviction. It's just like a love letter you keep under your pillow and read it over and over and analyze every word until you think your head might explode by the consumption of it (I read that metaphor in a book years ago and have never forgotten it, it's such a vibrant image).

Personally, I'm reading through the end of Isaiah. And it's fabulous. So powerful and empowering and comforting. It says that I am "precious and honored in His eyes" and that I am a warrior for Him and are granted all the power of Jesus Christ.

However, I'm also studying what it means to be "Devoted" to Jesus and abandon everything else for Him. It's so convicting but it also awakens such a passion and yearning. It's wonderful

I found out yesterday that I'm going to be a student leader at a Student Life camp this week (Wednesday through Sunday) and I'm so excited. I'll be working with about nine 6th and 7th grade girls. They are great girls and the study is amazing. I've been going through it for the past hour and have learned so much already. I can't wait to see what God has planned for us all.

This is going to be my last camp and I am so blessed that I get to spend it by picking the brains of my middle schoolers and watching them grow in the Lord. So much joy right now. I will take lots of pictures and give a detailed update when I get back...before I head off again to minister to the homeless alongside some of the same kids in Atlanta. This has been/is one jam-packed summer, but I wouldn't have my last summer at home any other way than pouring my heart out to everyone I'm leaving.

Stay Gold Ponyboy, Stay Gold. :)

The Real Thing:

This is the speech I ending up saying two week ago at graduation....

Rose Kennedy wisely said, "Birds sing after a storm." In this world, no one is exempt from storms. Each of us must face different tempests that will blow through our lives. But hope lies in the promise that all storms must come to an end. And behind the clouds that will one day leave is a sun that shines warm and bright.

During the storm two weeks ago (it's now been about 4 weeks) many trees were completely uprooted. Massive trees that ripped power lines and crushed houses. As I pass them on the side of the road, I cannot help but be fascinated by that part of the tree that everyone knows is there, but no one ever sees or thinks about...the roots. The roots are the strength of the tree, its lifeline and anchor. In the same way, we all have loved ones who anchor us throughout the fiercest of storms.

The end of high school has been a hurricane of events including the growing distance between myself and three of the most influential women in my life: my great-grandmother to dementia, my god-mother to cancer, and my sister as she prepares to move to Wisconsin. These major changes, along with other shifts in my foundation, have nearly blown me down completely. However, I have faith that the storm will pass, and hope that growth will come after the rain.

Storms may hurt more than just ourselves. Sometimes they wipe away what we most cherish, turning our once abundant lives into a blank canvas. It is then that we are offered a time of restoration. The rain often leaves us with a sense of freshness, clarity, a washing away of the old in preparation for the new.

Seniors, now is your chance to start fresh, this is your opportunity to declare your identities to the world. To make a name for yourself beyond the high school stereotype of "athlete," "thug," "intellectual," "class clown." Teachers, now is the time to begin a new chapter, with new students, to help mold minds in new and fascinating ways. Friends and families, no matter what storm you are coming out of, you have a second chance.

As we sift through debris and begin to rebuild after whatever storms have passed through our lives, do not be afraid to rearrange and set things up larger and stronger. Do not be afraid to ask for help, from your teachers and mentors, from your friends and peers, and from your family, your lifeline.

Remember, storms are imperative to growth. When is it that flowers bloom, grass grows high, and birds sing the loudest? After a storm. Yes, the wind will blow and we will be knocked over. Yes, the rain will fall and we will get wet. And it will be painful and trying. But it is only when our roots are fully exposed that we find out just how deep and strong we truly are.

So be proud of your storm. Be able to stand up and say, "I survived. Because of this storm, I am stronger and I will continue to grow. I may be knocked down, but I am not knocked out."

Moody and Delicious

So far this week I have found out some interesting things about myself that I was not previously aware, or maybe I was and just decided to ignore it. (because I prefer to ignore lots of things than face them...shocker.)

First off, I've been reading Pride and Prejudice on vacation and it's re-occured to me that I'm a sucker for the Byronic Hero. And while I wouldn't necessarily put Darcy under the quintessential Byron column you can't deny that he carries some of the same characteristics. But that's besides the point. What really brought me to this conclusion was examining some of my favorite fictional crushes including (but not limited to):

• Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights
• Dallas Winston, The Outsiders *swoon* >>>>
• Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape, Harry Potter (Snape isn't so much a crush as a great affinity for)
• The Son , Six Characters in Search of an Author
• Edmund Dantes, The Count of Monte Cristo
• Any sort of dragon

I fear that I've blogged about that top part before....buuut, it's definitely worth it. Because it leads into the other things I've learned about myself this week here on the island:

Secondly, I'm a nurturer. I can mother and chastise and coddle till the cows come home (now that is a phrase that I've never understood, even living in the south). I've always been the friend among any group of friends that tells you what we should or should not do, is constantly reminding everyone to pick up after themselves and warning you that you'll "poke your eye out, kid" (okay so I don't reenact The Christmas Story but it adds drama :)

And although I find this an endearing quality in myself most times, I'm not sure others feel quite the same way haha. I admit I have to be very aware of how much I "mother" and am not always successful. But I know it'll serve me well one day in a classroom...and THAT is what I'm excited about. So, my dear friends, my greatest apologies, but you will just have to put up with it for now. Love ya!

Okay thirdly (and this is the one I'm most excited about) I have reawakened my love of reading! :) I was seriously beginning to think that I had lost my passion for books almost completely.

However, reading Pride and Prejudice on the beach and while lounging in the pool all week have been loverly. I forgot how different reading for pleasure is when there is not mounds of homework tacked on to it.

Oh my goodness gracious how I love books. You can tell almost entirely who a person is, I believe, based on what books they read, what music they listen to, and what movies they watch (but more so the first two I think).

So okay, now I've really really made myself curious as to what your favorite books/fictional crushes are...lemme know in the comments.

Robin Sparkles is my Hero...ine

This'll be short and sweet since I'm still on vaca.... but this one goes out to my sister: watcher of Jersey Shore, stealer of my rings, and my most favorite comedian. Love you, Bethany.

Where's the Beach?!?!

Graduation has come and gone and I feel no different. But that's probably because I'm choosing to ignore the fact that I am now a college student.

And for a surprise grad gift, some dear friends are taking me to the beach. This could not have come at a better time. I desperately need to get away and recoup and refresh. So I'm thrilled that I just get to chill in the sun and read and listen to music and have quality girl time with my girl Hannah.

My soul longs for peace and rest. To meditate on truth and live in love on my own before I start working and go to college and bah, sometimes I hate real life.

That's why my dream job would be to be Wendy from Peter Pan, which I've said before.

And as soon as I come back I hit the ground running, I've got an internship, a second and third job offer, camp, Atlanta with my middle schoolers, VBS type deal, pack for school, prepare myself for school, help my sister move, prepare for my sister moving, and somewhere in there I've promised to do certain things with countless friends: How I Met Your Mother marathons, Harry Potter marathons, Underground, etc.

And it's all so completely worth it, don't get me wrong. But it drains me just thinking about it. And then I try to comfort myself by saying "Life is not a sprint, it's a marathon" But I'm a terrible runner. haha

But God's doing something BIG with all of this. And I just can't wait to see what it is and look back and go "woah, that was a lot bigger and awesome-er than I was expecting" Because it's gonna happen. And I'm gonna freak out. :)

P.S.

Those of you who understand the pop-culture reference of my title...I love you. And if you don't get it...that's probably a really good thing, so please don't be offended. Love you guys.

My God is so good!

You'd think by the title of my blog and sub-header (and the fact that I can never get enough of The Outsiders) that I would have put Robert Frost's poem "Stay Gold" in my speech yesterday...

Flowers first green is gold

Her hardest hue to hold...

Then again I'm not sure if the phrase "Nothing Gold Can Stay" would have been an appropriate inspiration. haha

There's so much going through my head about yesterday...I'll have to keep processing and type it out later, because today is party day where I get to celebrate not only my own graduation, but the graduation of a lot of my friends and thank those who held my hand (or patted my knee...thanks Michelle) at least once during my life. I love spending time with these people and I can't wait. Hopefully you'll get pictures and stories later. :)

P.s. That girl in the picture...that's my Kera. She is my dearest friend and I cry thinking that I won't be able to study with her or keep her on task or make her laugh with my outlandish unpredictable humor anymore. But I love her, and that will NEVER change. We've been through a lot, but we made it through, "and I believe, that after the storm comes the calm."

A Caramel Macchiato and Furious Typing

This song is amazing, and fun, and wonderful to sing to. Not to mention who doesn't love Toby Mac, and this new girl, Jamie Grace, is beyond talented!!! And they love Jesus...woah.

So I just had to share this song because I'm pretty sure it sums up just about everything going on right now. :)

In other news...news that my mom loves to flaunt.

I'm graduating tomorrow. And I get to be the first to walk in, the last to speak, and the first to leave because.....I'm Valedictorian. Crazy, I always dreamed of it, but never imagined I'd actually make it. I'm excited though. I've worked 7 hours a day for the past 4 days on this speech and if I may, I believe it's pretty stellar (yeah, I said stellar...now what).

Anyway, I'm super excited and ready and confident and proud. And I am definitely NOT thinking about what comes after graduation...because that side is not quite as celebratory for me...not yet.

Side Note: Natalie, Bethany told me she invited you and you were going to come but things came up. Which I understand. And just the fact that you were planning on coming is probably the best graduation present I will receive, honestly. :) But I hope you know that we will have to meet one day, even if it's at Bethany's wedding with the is it "Fresh Prince of Elijay"? ;)

Back to the Post: I'm drinking coffee, can you tell by the way I'm writing. It's decaf...but I still have a feeling that I won't be very well-rested tomorrow. haha. It feels like Christmas Eve all over again.

This week I have had the time of my life hanging out with the same 4 people from school. And my one regret in high school is that I did not get to know these people sooner, and that once I did know them, that I did not treat them nicer and be more like Jesus. It's amazing what God does when you choose to live your life with an open heart, ready to take in the mercy of Christ and pour out His love on others.

I know this is only the beginning, even if it's hard to imagine. And I can't wait to see where God's going to take me. I know He won't leave me in one place for very long...He never does. :)

But I'm thankful for the memories, both fond and foolish. And it's amazing to me how much God can do...He rips you down to your core and clothes you in glory and all you can do in return in kneel in the dirt and wash the feet of those around you as He continues to pat your head and wash others while He stands over you. :) I love my Jesus....He's just brilliant, splendiferous, wonderful.

What have I done?

I miss being around people who love Jesus. People who want to talk about Jesus. People who want to read the Word and eat it and chew on it for hours. People who want to worship and dance and pray for hours.

I need to get into the Word. I need to spend time with my Jesus. I miss Him. It's that disappointed feeling, like you walk into a party expecting to see your best friend and you end up standing by the punch bowl or coat rack all night because you don't feel like pushing through people to go find your friend. You don't feel like screaming so people can hear you or tell people that you don't wanna listen to their story about what juice they had at lunch before you need to talk to your friend about what's He's working on at the moment.

Grrr...

What'd you say, Val?

So, I'm working on my valedictorian speech for Saturday. And according to my English professor, it's kind of a big deal. She has a lot riding on us. The county's superintendent always comes to our graduation just for the speeches.

And so far...I don't like my speech. I wrote it in like an hour last night and it's not a bad speech and I can deliver it well. But Dr. Renneisen kept pressing us about how this speech is our one chance to tell our classmates anything we want to. And what I wrote is not what I wish I could tell them. It doesn't feel like it's "it."

But what do I want to tell them?

If I could, I might tell them how much purpose their life has. I would tell them not to take anything for granted. I would tell them to open their eyes and not live a single day walking in their own shoes, to learn all that they can and then some. I would tell them that life is so much more than what they could ever imagine. Life is a lot bigger than a storm. Life is always more fascinating when it's viewed from someone else's perspective.

So this is me, getting it all out of my head. Whether I'll use it or not is another story...

If you could tell a group of your peers one thing, what would it be?

Ride of a Lifetime

You know that feeling when you're sitting a roller coaster right before it takes off and you double-triple check your seat restraint? You know it's secure, cause you tightened it so much you can't breathe, but you still check it anyway because you just know that when this ride goes upside down you don't wanna fall. Maybe it's not even that, maybe it's just that you don't wanna get slung from side to side during the first few jerks.

Most of my friends from school were gone this week to Orlando for senior trip. And I must say, although it would have been loads of fun I'm glad I didn't go. I'm needed here to tie up loose ends, make sure my skirt isn't dragging the ground (that way it won't get caught in anything and pull me down) and to double-triple check my seat restraint.

I don't yet know what this means. God just gives me crazy metaphors and I eat it up. I'm like a cow in that way. I get something and chew and chew and chew and then when I think I've pondered it enough and figure it out I swallow it. But then I spit it up and mull it over for a while longer. This occurs multiple times until I finally figure out what it means to me (which often changes).

See, that was a crazy metaphor...one of my weirder ones.

Anyway, what I meant was that I'm still mulling this one over.

By meditating on some stuff this week I realized that I'm an observer. I love people-watching and listening and learning and loving from a distance. This combined with the fact that I like to stifle and suppress is not very good. I would much rather observe and contemplate how others process and deal and react that face the facts myself. That's why I don't watch the news very often...it means I have to deal with the emotions that come with devastation.

A friend who has been in a similar season (just refocusing and finding God in the "hidden-ness" and the secret place) shared a verse with me this week: Psalm 27:14

Wait for the LORD;
be courageous and let your heart be strong.
Wait for the LORD.

Literally translated, the word "wait" means to be eagerly expectant. We must be eagerly expectant for the Lord; we must be courageous and let our hearts be strong as we eagerly expect what the Lord is doing. That's exciting stuff right there. Just wait for the good work that He's promised will be brought to completion within us.

So today, I choose to "Wait for the Lord" and meditate on all which that short verse means. God promises favor for His children, and therefore, we should expect it and welcome it as love from the Father.

http://utmost.org/reaching-beyond-our-grasp/

Reason Why I Could Never Be a Vegetarian #987

This week I haven't blogged much. This is in part due to the crazy ball of fury that has become my life. I'm graduating, my sister is planning lots of things, my parents are moving, major storms that have rocked my community past its core, and many many other things.

In other news, God is good. And as Travis said tonight (more eloquently than I) that I am in the fight of my life. I'm in this tight spot. My heart feels constricted, like I'm wrestling with God. The problem is that I haven't quite figured out what's going yet. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, I can't even exactly put emotions into words or where they're coming from.

Haha the mental image I have of what is going on is that God is "tenderizing my heart," yes, with a meat tenderizer. Banging the crap out of it and putting dints and divets into my heart until it's soft enough.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering what in the heavens is going on. I know in my head that after He seasons it, stuffs it, surrounds it with hearty vegetables, and bakes it that my heart will become this juicy, tender, succulent piece of delicious joy that makes people's mouth water. It'll taste so good that everyone will want the recipe.

I know that's a really odd metaphor, and I honestly have to give God all the credit for that one. He knows that I'm young at heart and much I enjoy a good storybook in my head. :)

Anyway, I can't wait till my heart comes out of the oven. I can't wait to taste what my Creator has made and how beautiful the finished product will be.

I cannot stop praising Jesus for all the wonderful people He has surrounded me with. People who earnestly seek the Lord and want to invest in my life and share their lives with me. And I'm trying (trying) to trust that God will place people who are just as fabulous (if not more so) in my life in Maryville. It's so hard to say goodbye, but I know that it's only the beginning of an adventure that I'll never forget.

In Regards to the Osama News

He better not have made any horcruxes.

Sometimes you Feel like Peter

So, I'm pretty overwhelmed right now.

This song is the epitome of how I wish I could feel right now. But what I really feel is like I just want to crawl into a hole. I want so desperately to hear nothing but "the cry of my lover," my God and dare the world to "take your shot" but I feel like I have one too many holes in me at the moment.

Peter was the one who always tried to do the right thing. He wanted so badly to follow Jesus, so He climbed out of the boat. And as soon and he took his eyes off of Jesus he face-planted into the Mediterranean Sea... God told Peter that he was destined for greatness, that's why his name was changed to "rock," and still he denied Christ because he wasn't sure it was worth it.

It is worth it though, I know that in my heart, but I'm too tired.

"Why must everyone go away? Why can't things just stay as they are?" -Jo March from Little Women

"I wanna change but I can't and I just know that I'll never fit in anywhere." -Jo March (the one character in a book that I proudly compare myself to)

Note to self: Never again say that you like change...because God will definitely bring it. He always does that.

It's all Because of Jesus

Today I noticed that it's always the days when I am most broken and living in surrender where everyone tells me, "You look so pretty, beautiful, etc."

Just some thoughts to mull over...