This is my prayer in the desert

Please lay down your arrows
For they're sure to pierce the skin
And water from a broken well
Will make you thirst again
When all things you've acquired
Are tested by the flames
And you can see them melting
Then will you call his name

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your sin
Did you know that you are dearly loved

To the slaughters you are being led
Being told that it's a party
That this God is in your head
And every single lie
Sounds just like the greatest truth
But the one truth you're not hearing
Is that he died for you

No greater joy
No greater peace
No greater love than this

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your sin
Did you know that you are dearly loved

It's amazing to me how there's so many things you don't understand (although we think we do) until we are so close to them. And then your heart breaks because you finally understand that there's nothing you can do about it. And I've never claimed to be a strong prayer warrior, so I begin to feel especially helpless. This is partly why I'm so thankful for the family that I have. Because I have been so close to so much pain and I have a better understanding of such heartache and sickness and many people. And this is why I am excited about my sister's book. Her strength and passion inspires me. With a family like mine....us Horvath kids never stood a chance, and I'm afraid some of us got more than others. But with God's grace we've survived (and thrived) thus far and I have a feeling we have great things in our future. Praise Jesus we don't try to do it ourselves though. Been there done that and it got us no where. I'm just thankful for older siblings who taught me what Jesus looks like.

My Quiet White Greek Christmas (The Horvath Alternative)

This is half of my Christmas: Mom in the red, Carmen right behind her, Nick walking, and Micah bending over.

And this why I love them: My brothers are quite the gentlemen...offering to help Marmie down the hill. And Mom is never afraid to be goofy and have some fun.
Dad and Bethany and I stayed nice and warm inside the house and brought the dogs on the balcony to watch the fun from afar.

I could not be blessed with a greater family to celebrate with. We don't always get along but we certainly have been raised to remember the true purpose for things such as Christmas and Family. And we try to remain as grateful for our many blessings as possible. But we never forget to have a little fun while we're at it. ;)

Psalm 118

To Do:

• Make Jesus my new BFF
• Purge my room (and my heart) of junk
• Prepare for my new adventures (i.e. college, ATL, etc.)
• Relax enough to actually enjoy this holiday with my family and my Savior

Progress Thus Far:

• In progress
• Complete
• Partially Complete
• In progress

I started my afternoon by journaling and reading. And God and I had a pretty good conversation. He promised me that a storm is coming....and I said bring it on. I feel like I'm hiking and I'm coming up to this giant mountain face, it starts out pretty rough but manageable and then I look up and see one rope and few foot-holds. I know that once I start climbing the people on that started the hike with me are gonna get scared and climb back down or stand at the bottom wishing they had the courage to climb. I'm not afraid of falling cause I know I'll land on an eagle anyway.

I went through my room and got rid of lots and lots of papers. This is good. I got rid of lots and lots of memories within those papers. And I needed that. It's time to live in the present, not the past. To live with Jesus, not people. I'm ready for change. I love change.

After I received this vision, I wrote my support letter for Atlanta and I got super excited. This trip is going to be a completely new experience for me. I get to lead and serve and get pushed out of my comfort zone. And while it's kinda scary, it's also oh so thrilling.

What's scarier is that I just made the final decision of where I'm going to college. It's daunting and I'm still unsure about it. This is the next four years of my life. But I'm trusting. I'm gonna mail off my decision next week....Maryville College....here I come (sooner or later).

And now, it's the day before Christmas Eve, everyone is almost off work. And I am so excited. Although this year will probably be a little tense in some places, I'm promising to myself that I won't let it get in the way of the holiday. This is Christmas, yeah it's nice to have family around this time of year but that's not the point. Christmas...the birth of God. That's clearly insane. And I'm only now starting to sort of kind of not really grasp the magnitude of that idea.

I cannot stop thanking Jesus for the countless blessings this year. I cannot stop praising Him just because. I mean, there are honestly NO words for it. Just think about who He is for a minute and you'll probably go crazy, haha. I love Him. And I'm beginning to fall in love with the Old Testament. It's such a pure depiction of the gospel. In fact, it's my opinion that the Old Testament is more relevant to lives today than the New Testament is. Ah, just thinking about all of this wonderful truth makes my heart sing.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Blessings to all and a Christ-filled New Year. :)

Oh Holy Night

The Coffee is Getting Cold

So I definitely missed the first year anniversary of "Stayin Gold" and I must say that I'm frightened by how quickly this year has gone by. But it was a good one (for the most part). There were struggles, but since the summer it has been nothing but change and growth and adventure. And I laugh to myself....that's what this blog is about but I never imagined this is what my journey would look like. Although we never do I suppose.

And this week is Christmas. India has weighed heavy on my heart this week. I don't know why. I don't miss it. I miss the believers and my dear dear friends that are still there, but I don't miss India. I miss the culture and the excitement that was my trip, but not the country.

This summer I'm staying state-side and going to Atlanta with my precious 7th graders and other middle schoolers that I'm good friends with. We'll be working with Church on the Street in ministering to the homeless. I'm scared but excited. This will be a chance for me to bond with teenagers younger than me and to actively teach and lead them while also sharing Jesus with people I don't know. Plus this will push me further out of my comfort zone. India wasn't so bad cause they love Americans, but it's going to be much more work to in Atlanta, and I'm excited for a push. I think it's been a long time coming.

For a Friend of Mine:

Today my family went to get a Christmas tree from the tree lot. We walked around for an hour, chose the perfect one, bought it, and drove home. It wasn't until we got home that we realized we had forgotten the tree. MLIA

Today, I saw a police man texting while driving. MLIA

The other day I lost my pencil. Today, I woke up to find my pencil in my sock. MLIA

My college is literally a castle. It's modeled after the same one that Hogwarts is modeled after. So at work (Enrollment Management), I was sent down to the dungeon/basement to pick up some boxes. While I was down there looking for them, I saw a creepy-sih older gentleman wandering around in the back room. He was reaaaally pale, bald, and wearing a long black coat. Then he turned around and I saw he literally had no nose. Medical reasons? Or Voldemort? MLIA

Last week, my mom bought these organic animal crackers from the grocery store. At lunch the next day all my friends were comparing their lunches. My friend asked me what I had and I said "Oh, just some animal crackers." The entire table went silent. We immediately started playing "Wild Safari" and making animal noises to go along with it. After five minutes we looked up to see almost everyone staring at us. I love my friends. MLIA

Today, after having a fight with my friend, I was depressed. Feeling like crap, I went to my phone and said, "Oh phone, you never disappoint me." Just then, it ran out of battery. The world is plotting against me. MLIA

I live in Minnesota, and yesterday we had a huge snow storm. Today, I woke up wondering how much snow we had gotten. I opened my shade, and the entire basement window well was filled with snow. This was surprising, but it was nothing compared to the surprise I got when, at that moment, my six year old brother dug through the mound of snow, smashed his face against the window, and yelled "I'M GOING TO GET YOU" at the top of his lungs. I am pretty sure my heart rate is still not back to normal. MLIA

P.S. I win. :)

The Happiest Place on Earth

I don't know about you, but I definitely grew up on Disney Movies...the cartoons. And as I was reminiscing the other day it hit me: for some reason most people I know resemble the protagonist of their favorite disney movie. Now I'm not sure whether this is because we love the characters we can empathize with or if we mimic the characters we fall in love with. Either way, it makes for a lot of fun. For example:

• Micah: Sword in the stone; He's determined and stubborn, and always ready for adventure, loves to work but gets bored if it's not something he's passionate about.
• Katelyn: Pocahontas; loves being outside and having fun, not afraid to stand up for herself and those she loves, headstrong.
• Me: Beauty and the Beast; would do anything for my family, tend to make friends with the unexpected, always have my nose in a book, fellow "villagers" usually stand against me.
• Jackie: The Little Mermaid; has big dreams and a big heart, loves the water, doesn't mind leaving her home but will always come back.
• Nick: The Jungle Book; has that one good friend to look out for him, trying to find his way back to where he belongs (even though he doesn't want to and complains a lot on the way), gets stopped by many distractions, but ultimately finds his beautiful girl.

Anyway, I was randomly thinking about the last week and thought it would be a fun blog topic. What's your favorite Disney movie and why? I'd love to know. :)

To Lose is To Gain

There are days I look back and say....geeze God you sure saved me from a lot of non-sense....and now I'm so much happier...so why did I fight so hard? Today would be one of those days.

Jesus likes to take people away from me. You see, I like people...sort of. I get super attached to people...instead of Jesus. So He tends to take them away or move me rather quickly. Which in hind-sight is the best thing for me. But at the time it's no fun. Thankfully, He's a dad who gives only the best gifts ever! So....as I sit and mope He sends people to comfort and strengthen me....plus they usually direct me towards Jesus which is awesome.

Now...recently I've gone into this introvert stage where I prefer to sit at home and read and listen to music, or people watch....but I'm starting to really hate school. Just because I don't feel like interacting with people. Granted, spending time alone with Jesus comes first...but Jesus was very rarely by Himself. I can only think of two passages (Although I'm sure there's more) where Jesus was completely alone with the Father. However, there are countless scenarios where Jesus was interacting with people...right?

On the one hand I say to myself, "Jesus people lead me to sin and get distracted from you" but on the other hand, I know I am commanded to "love others as myself". It's not easy, but it's what Jesus did. So I can enjoy my time by myself, but I also have to actively seek out those that need the love of Jesus. See, it's only when I start ignoring Jesus (even if only a little) that I start to have a crappy relationship.

But what I'm trying to say is that I praise God daily for His mercy. All those times I felt like I had gotten the short stick...that was my Jesus, saving my life, and wooing me into His arms. Praise be to the Almighty God, my Savior. And I love Him. More than you know....for real.

I'm officially into the Holiday Spirit :)

One of my favorite part of the holidays is reminiscing on the past year. I cannot believe how much I have grown (I know that sounds sorta stuck-up, but it's true). I cannot stop thanking and praising my Jesus for the radical change He has brought this year. My relationship with Him has flourished and turned into anything beyond my wildest dreams. My relationship with my family is stronger than ever before. My perspective on the world has changed so much I would not have agreed with a word I said earlier. Even my academics has strengthened because of my heart renaissance.

Soundtrack for 2010:

1. Healing Begins
2. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
3. Where the Spirit of the Lord Is
4. How He Loves
5. Everything
6. You Have Me
7. Jesus Paid it All
8. I Am Free
9. Beautiful Love

This has been a looooong year. Really. I can't believe it's only been 6 months since I've been a Junior. And what's more crazy...I can't believe it's been less than 5 months since I went to India. I don't think about it 24/7 anymore. But still, at least once a day. It's hard not to when the bells on my anklets create an entrance. But it's a good reminder of the bondage the Hindus and Muslims (and even "Christians") in India face. And the bondage that I fight. And also to remind me who I truly belong to. My King...wraps me in His glory. Lays blessings at my feet....all for the sake of His name. So...I walk where He leads, and I live for His name to be praised.

I praise the Lord daily for changing my heart so radically, and in such a short amount of time. It reaffirms His promise of great things for my life. It thrills me to the bone to know that "[Jesus] will complete the good work He has started within [my life]" I mean really....How can that NOTbe exciting?!?!

I am so glad that Jesus is so real to me. I now truly understand what we mean when we say we were "dead in our sin" and that "Jesus came to give life in abundance" because I have never felt more alive than while living life daily with my Jesus.

And I get so frustrated all the time because the words I use to describe my relationship with Jesus are the typical "church-answers"....but they became church answers cause they're true. Plus, there are no perfect words on earth to describe Jesus. Haha and for someone like me that is the most frustrating, most beautiful thing in the world. Think about it, if you can't describe my God....then there is absolutely NO WAY He can be replaced or imitated decently. He's THE one and only. Jesus, Yahweh, King, Lord, Savior, Mighty, Awesome, Father, Lover, Lion, Lamb, Redeemer, God, Holy, Righteous, Wonderful, Beautiful, Precious, Faithful, Alpha and Omega, Eternal, Victor, Comfort, Counselor, Gracious, Just, Jealous.....THAT. is My GOD. And He has made me/is making me in a beautiful holy treasure. He is sculpting me into this statue so that when people see it, it reads "Jesus" but it's not just a word....it's a picture of all that He is.

Many Missives #13

Dear Wild Thing,

I love you. I don't know why God put so many obstacles in your life via your health. My heart breaks to watch you go through countless tests, doctors, surgeries, medicines. But I do know that God has never left you. Watching you find your strength in Him has strengthened my faith. Jesus promised that He would never give us anything we couldn't handle with Him by our side. It's not easy or painless, but you have me. I love you. And I would take away your pain if I could. But we both know of someone who can. And one day...your pain will leave and never come back.....ever!

I cannot wait to hear your story. I know God has some BIG plans for you that He's already started and Jesus promised that He will COMPLETE the good works He has started in you. That means that you will do the great things He has planned for you. He's started something amazing and you'll get to see it all the way through. :) How exciting. And while He's working in you for His glory know that you have a huge family full of love and support for you.

Victory comes from you, O Lord.
May you bless your people.

Psalm 3:8

Sincerely,

Old Lady with 50 Alley Cats

The Gift of Discernment

For some reason, this week God has really opened up my eyes and hearts to the chains that bind my peers at school. I know it's so I can pray for them. But it's hard. I was standing at my locker this afternoon and I could feel without a shadow of a doubt, the oppression that hung over the girl standing next to me. And before that I was really discouraged by this one girl that keeps laughing at me (and other people in class) she just seems to lack any form of respect. But God gave me a vision of her covered in chains, almost like scrooge from A Christmas Carol. I hate it. I long for God's revelation to rain down on each and every one of their lives.

I'm reading Radical by David Platt and he mentions the reason for God performing miracles is to bring His glory and to bring others to the name of Jesus. I feel like people misinterpret my joy for being a suck up.....but that doesn't mean I'm going to stifle my joy at all for the likes of them. No siree bob.

Yo Hone, Yo Hine, a Dragon's Life is Thine

It has recently come to my attention that being a "Christian" is a lot like being a dragon. I've often prided myself on being a dragon....but after assessing the actual lives of famous dragons I'm not so sure I like the idea any more.

Dragons are essentially outcasts. They live by themselves in a cave, shunned by society. But few realize that dragons are hiding great treasures, whether it be a fair maiden or a chest full of rare gems. Dragons don't look like anyone else. And although they're extremely powerful, their power isn't always used to intimidate. It's used to protect and also to draw attention to something. Occasionally, dragons have that one human friend that will visit them from time to time and encourage them and the relationship is quite symbiotic. However, those relationships are few and far between. Most people just don't understand dragons...and it's a shame because they're really glorious creatures (that is when you disregard Puff of course).

What I mean to say, is that it's not easy being a dragon. And I can only think of one relevant friend who's my age who "gets it". My one dragon friend. I'm beyond thankful, don't get me wrong....but sometimes I just feel like burning down the entire village.

In any case, this dragon is going to be alive for a very long time. So I shall remain determined to be the best guardian of my treasure that is possible.

Hate is a strong word.

This week I've begun to realize what Jesus meant when He said things like "be in the world, but not of it" or "they will hate you because they hate me". I say what God has told me and what He's shown me....cause I think it's a cool revelation....and people get super offended. Not like they don't hate me already and think I'm stuck up and a "big-head" (their words, not mine). It's not that....I'm not a snitch. But I'm not gonna lie when asked a direct question. And just because I don't talk as much anymore...it's because I'd rather talk to to people who aren't always gossiping and such....people like Jesus. I'm sorry if you don't get it. It breaks my heart. And I'm hurt that you don't respect me anymore. But I'd rather have you hate me than accept me while I act like you. I'm not trying to be mean....that's just the way it is. Do I love you? Yes. That's why it hurts so much. I'm tired of being used and tossed away. Thus was the life of Jesus. Except He was way better at this "living " thing than I am....

I can dig okay.

1— BAND NAME Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random article”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
...
2 — ALBUM TITLE Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 — COVER ART Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 — Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Band Name: "Greek-South African Relations"

Album Title: "Because You Have Begun It"

Peeves the Poltergeist

I'm trying really hard to be loving, but it's hard. My biggest pet peeve is when people don't care, when they think it's "too hard," when they don't want to learn something new. When they don't even try. So, suffice it to say, this week (although it's only Tuesday) has been a difficult one for me.

I really want to just say "look, I know you have it rough, we all do, but you stop being such a baby!" What I want to do is tell them to shut up and just learn something! But I can't. First off, that would be rude and un-Jesus-like. Secondly, that would be judging them and I have no place to do that.

I thanked God this morning for having my professor say exactly what I wanted to. Still, it only made them complain more. I'm begging the Lord for patience and grace and love. It's weeks like this that I cannot wait for college....to be around people who are there because they want to and are learning about things they love...ah I can't wait!

What really bugs me, is when people are sooo apathetic that they intentionally dumb themselves down. Sigh....and then get judge me for being enthusiastic. I'm not a suck-up....I just really like to learn....and I want to get as much as I can out of school. I don't go to see friends (if I did I would be homeschooled) I go because I love learning and reading and trying new things out and seeing how much I can accomplish. If you don't care....leave. I know if they were given that ultimatum, they wouldn't take it. I don't see how you can talk about how badly you want to get into an ivy-league university but complain about writing a simple in-class essay or talk about skipping class all day long. It frustrates me.

No I'm not perfect....but I care. And I know you do too....which is why I'm so upset.

Many Missives #12

Dear Sister,

I. Love. You. You have practically raised me. And you couldn't have done a better job. We may be 11 years apart, but we're still best friends. I guess that just comes with sharing a room for 18 years. You are the most amazing mentor, listener, goofy, piece of my heart. I would not trade you for the world.

I may not always understand you or what you're going through. But as I get older, I begin to see how strong you have been and still are in handling all of it. And I am so proud of you for that. You have taught me a good percent of the most valuable lessons in my life. We not only share interests, and family, but we share a heart. A heart for Jesus, and for his people, and for each other.

Thank you for always being able to make me smile. For always willing to give a hug. For always listening to my stories no matter how childish or mundane they sound. For knowing when I need my big sister and when it's okay for me to be the little sister. When I need a mom stand-in and when we can be peers.

I praise the Lord for you daily. I love you over and under. Here's to you: for always inspiring me to "make it work." :)

Stay Gold,

your Ponyboy

This is the Excited Me :D

I can't wait to move. I love growing and changing. Of course, being comfortable is nice and my flesh's go-to, but change is so much for fun. My favorite part is to look and see how far God has brought me.

I can definitely tell God is preparing me for something BIG and I'm guessing it's college. Because I have these ginormous butterflies in my stomach, and I'm just itching to get up and go and do and be who God has transformed/ is transforming me to be.

It's just exciting to be in the middle of this fabulous relationship and to see it grow and prosper is exhilarating. Nothing could ever be better.

My heart's desire is for Him and His glory and favor. I never understood repentance till now. I don't want to displease my Father. I just want to make Him smile and sing and dance for Him.

I remember when I was really little and I would walk into the grocery store holding my Dad's hand and we'd swing our arms, and that's how I picture living life with Jesus (except we're walking down a dirt road). Sometimes I'm sitting on His shoulders holding on to His head. Sometimes He's rocking me in His arms late at night.

Brand New BFF

It's what I call "staying focused". Just learning to live life with Jesus. Chatting it up as we walk down the dirt path of life holding hands, skipping, pausing to enjoy the scenery (but never for too long). Pouring my heart and soul into my family, my school, my missions, and the lover of my soul. A lot of people take this the wrong way. I don't blame them. But I can't worry about that. I'm trying to be who I've been created to be.

Recently I've felt more alone than ever before, but also recently I've felt more loved and truly accepted than ever before. I'm trying to remember what really matters in the long-run. That doesn't mean I'm apathetic or heartless....I'm just focused in a different direction, in an eternal direction. I've got my eyes on the heavens and I'm not looking down for anyone.

Reading through Ezekiel is tough. It's full of God's anger and wrath, but it's also got these neat little hidden one-phrase treasures of truth. Each morning it God uses just a few simple words to focus me for the day. Mainly, it's to surrender to Him and just live a life of worship and praising His glory. And honestly, I don't think anyone could be happier than when they become best friends with the Savior of the World, the Creator of the World, the King of the Universe, THE I AM.

And right now, I can honestly say, more than ever, that Jesus is my Best Friend. I never fully understood what it meant till recently. And I can't wait to see more.

EUREKA!!! (Epiphany of the Week)

I figured out what my problem is....

I don't live in REALITY!

I spend all my time comparing my life with that of fictional characters, living in my books, movies, and television shows. And I fail to live life in reality. With a Jesus and evil and lostness and no personal bubble. Praise God for being the needle to my metaphorical bubble.

I lose focus. Well, you know what? I need to stop that. I need help. I need to get my head out of the clouds and get to work. I was doing so great just a week ago....and I felt myself being drug downwards and I let it happen. That is the most infuriating thing ever. To know that you're on your way to crash and burn and you just let it happen like everything is Hunky-Dory

Instantaneous God-message: "In the Light" by DC Talk just came on the radio. Coincidence? I think not.

More Like Falling In Love

So I'm kinda in the middle of some high school drama....and I really don't like it. But besides that, God is showing me that...it's all very petty. What does it matter? If I'm following my convictions and living a life of praise to my God then, quite honestly, I'm not sorry I've upset you. Because while I care about you and your opinions (because I really do) they are not the most important. And as hard as it is for me, I will not apologize for putting Jesus before you. (And that goes for all of you).

Which brings me to what I'm learning in my heart. It's not that you don't matter, it's just that this year God has become SO real to me, that I truly understand that He matters more. Because He's worth it.

This year: 2010. I am labeling it "The Year of Identity". I do not find it a coincidence that God has chosen this year to teach me who God is and who I am in Him, especially since I am going to college next year and will definitely need to know where I stand.

Let's see what God has taught me so far:

• Treasured: This spring God showed me that I am precious to Him. I am His chosen, treasured, lovely in His sight.
• Daughter: This summer, before my trip, Jesus taught me what it means to have a heavenly Father. He made the story of the prodigal son really come to life.
• Warrior: In India I realized how strong I am in Christ and how powerful the spirit is that lives in me.
• Princess: After my trip, I learned that this does not mean I'm a spoiled brat who thinks she deserves everything, rather, that I am an advocate for the people, I am not afraid to get down and dirty and build relationships and take that back to the throne room, where I am welcomed.
• Friend: Most recently, I have experienced Jesus as my best friend. My closest confidant. My caring companion. My heart and soul. I do not even want to imagine where I'd be without Him.

I CANNOT wait to see what else God is going to teach me. With almost 3 whole months left, I know God still wants to show me many things about who I am and how He desires our relationship to look. I have never been so in love with My Jesus than I am. I have come a loooong way since, well... May actually. I praise God for how quickly He can change our hearts. How earnestly He yearns for closeness with us. He never ceases to blow my mind. :)

My Treasure

This is my little girl, Larissa. Oh, how I miss her. I can still hear her voice. And see her face. I love her. She's been on my heart recently. Sigh....Lord, bless her. That is my heart. That she grow into a strong passionate disciple of Jesus Christ. Lord, love her.

"The Earth is Yours" by: Gungor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4EPnM62O8A&NR=1

The Earth is Yours

Written by Michael Gungor

Your voice it thunders

The oaks start twisting

The forest sounds with cedars breaking

The waters see You and start their writhing

From the depths a song is rising

Now it’s rising from the ground

Holy, Holy

Holy, Holy Lord

The earth is Yours and singing

Holy, Holy

Holy, Holy Lord

The earth is Yours

The earth is Yours

Your voice it thunders

The ground is shaking

The mighty mountains now are trembling

Creation sees You

And starts composing

The fields and trees they start rejoicing.

Now it’s rising from the ground

It’s rising from the ground

Hear us crying out

Hear us crying out

Stay-cation....here I come (Hopefully)

Today's been one of those days where I would have loved to curl up in a sun room with a screen open, a very large cup of coffee, any my very tall stack of books I'm looking forward to reading and stayed there all day.

However, while reading Radical by David Platt I tend to want to get up and change the world.

Now, while not much is wrong with either.... what today actually turned into was a long exhausting, and by the end, heartbreaking Thursday.....NOT EVEN A FRIDAY. Sigh, Fall Break could not come at a better time.

Song of the week

Like Incense / Sometimes By Step Song Lyrics | Hillsong Live Lyrics | Christian Music Song Lyrics | NewReleaseTuesday.com

Life Long Learner

This year so far, has been a year of lessons. This semester, God has been teaching me the importance of fellowship compared to friendship. He's also showing me what it means to dwell in my Christ-granted authority. And how powerful words and attitudes are.

ONE: Fellowship is so much more special and fulfilling than friendship. Fellowship is about living with Jesus together and living in freedom together and growing together. I've never so much grasped this concept than the past couple weeks. I love my friends dearly, and I always have but I can't do friendships anymore....it's like a piggy-back ride. You carry me for awhile and when you get bogged down with life, we'll switch. That's an exhausting way of life. Especially because you can't seem to catch your breath before your friend needs a break. However, fellowship is awesome fun because you can hold hands and skip and sing and you're completely free (in Christ of course). The only time it doesn't work is when you try to hold hands with someone who's going in a different direction (then it turns into tug-o-war).

TWO: I have authority! I do not have to live in intimidation because MY God has conquered it already! I no longer have to intimidate others, because I am a daughter of the King! In my heart, I hold the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead. How cool! I have that always. And I can use it always. Just like my Jesus. That's some powerful thinking and living. And if we choose to dwell in that attitude, we can dwell in Jesus Christ and His purpose for our lives. We begin to mimick His actions without a second thought. It becomes natural. Thoughts and words are powerful. If I say and think God-centered thoughts long enough. I begin to live by them and act on them. :D

Oui with the Poodles already.

You'd think my family was half Jewish. With the guilt trips and the talking over each other all the time and the food....oh wait, that's just cause we're Greek. Only the 2nd person in my family to go to a private Christian college and you think they'd be excited for me and encouraging. Instead they rap on me for how expensive it is. Valedictorian and you think they would brag about my education at a title I inner-city school. Instead, they hound me for taking college classes my senior year and how the money being spent for an EDUCATION that to their standards isn't conducive to my future.What does it matter? I'm learning. I'm never going to stop learning as much as my little brain can handle. It's who I am, it's how God made me. And one day, Lord willing, I'll pay my parents back. Lord knows they deserve everything I have. It's not like I take that for granted. Trust me, I don't. I just wish you'd be proud of me sometimes for being brave enough to do stuff our parents never did. You know how it is. That's what you've done, and you've done a great job at it. So why so hard on me? You tell me one school isn't good enough intellectually, you say another school is too good for me. What do you want me to do? I'm choosing what will benefit me and the rest of the world the most in the long-run. I love you but I can't let you stop me from fulfilling all that God has for me. These are not decisions made on a whim. And your support would be greatly appreciated. You may upset me sometimes, but I still love you. And I'll always be proud of you.

Many Missives #11

Dear Friend,

I'll always love you. And I'll always always be there for you when you call. But I can't be around you anymore. It breaks my heart, but we are going in completely different directions. Already, we have nothing in common, nothing except precious memories. I'm not sure how to deal with this quite yet.

The way you talk to about "others" and their negative attitude is how I feel about you. Once again, I'm the dork. And all of sudden you're the cool kid. Honestly, it's one reason I'm really looking forward to college, it'll be easier to find people with more of the same interests. But it still hurts.

I really don't want to judge you, and I hope I'm not. But I feel like you're growing apart, not only from me, but from Jesus too. I hope it's just me being "moody" as you call it. I don't know, but your words seem so harsh. I feel like I can't talk to you without feeling attacked or ignored.

I guess I always knew we had to grow up. But I had hoped and imagined it wouldn't be like this, or painful at all. I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Your Old Pal

Toomba Sondosha

The past couple weeks and especially today, India has weighed extremely heavy on my heart. So....I thought I would share some more pictures. :)

Many Missives #10

Dear Jesus,

You truly are my joy. There isn't a fond memory that you aren't a part of. Remember that time you told me you were like a tree? That was when we were at Samford, and I was so excited to tell Chad Wade.

Remember when we were in India and you spoke 1 John 4:4 to me over and over? "But you belong to God, my dear servants. You have already won a great victory over these people because the spirit that lives in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

Remember when I was at what I thought was rock bottom and you smiled and said "I'm right here, I've got you"? Yeah, I remember too. Those were some of the best moments of my life.

"And He's set me on fire. I am burning alive. With His breath in my lungs. I am coming undone. You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy." :D

I love seeing how far I've come. How much our relationship has grown. And especially to imagine how close we're gonna be in the future. You kinda really always blow my mind, ya know. I can't imagine my life without you. And I dare not try.

"My God's not dead, He's surely alive. And He's living on the inside. Roaring like a lion!" :D

I love you. So. So. Much. You're my King, my friend, my lover, my comforter, my healer, my Father, my whole heart. Take it, Jesus, it's yours.

l'chaim,

Your Alexandria

Passion: Awakening

We know where the Spirit of Lord is
Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty
We know, living in Your freedom
Living in Your freedom we see Your glory
We know where the Spirit of the Lord is
Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty

We’re Yours and Yours is the kingdom
We are Yours and Yours is the kingdom

-Where the Spirit of the Lord is by:Chris Tomlin

Now I'm lost in your freedom
This world I'll overcome.

My God is not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion

-Like a Lion by:David Crowder

Well this is new...

People tell you all the time "You have to be prepared in college cause you'll get tested spiritually in ways you've never imagined before" But what happens when it starts even before you leave?

I'm just really discouraged. I feel like my whole life people have told me I can do anything I want (and they have) but now that I'm coming a place and time where I can actually decide what I want to do they question it like it's wrong. Maybe they're just trying to prepare me and make sure I'm making the right decisions, but I still don't have to like it do I? Everyone tells you to start figuring out what you want to do, so I do, and then they say "you wanna do what.....?" It hurts. Cause I want to please them, but I know this is what I wanna do, what I'm called to do. And if God for sure tells me "this is what you're going to do, this is what I want for you" do I really have to question it further and check out other options? I wouldn't think so. I mean, I see where mom is coming from but I don't necessarily have to visit a college to know if it's right, especially if I find out everything else is wrong....am I right?

I just wish I felt more support from my family. What if I'm not meant to stay home? Why is it so wrong for me to leave? I never said it would be easy for me, but you don't have to make it harder. I dunno.....

Many Missives #9

Dear X,

Dear pain, oh it's been a long time
Remember when you were holding me tight
I would stay awake with you all night
Dear shame, I was safe in your arms
You were there when it all fell apart
I would get so lost in your beautiful lies
I let you go, but you're still chasing

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Dear hate, I know you're not far
You would wait at the door of my heart
I was amazed at the passion in your cries
Dear anger, you made me so high
You were faithful to show up on time
Such a flame that was burning in your eyes
I let you go, but you're still chasing

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

You tempted me to look back
But everything that we had together was a lie

Go ahead
You're never gonna take me
You can bend
But you're never gonna break me
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Go ahead
Put a target on my forehead
You can fire
But you've got no bullet
I was yours
But I'm not yours anymore
Oh, you don't own me

Sincerely, Daughter of The King

These are lyrics from Disciples new single "Dear X". Thought it was a pretty good testimony and an excellent letter.

Many Missives #8

Dear Media,

STOP SENDING ME STUPID MESSAGES ABOUT UNREALISTIC RELATIONSHIPS AND SCREWING UP MY FOCUS ON THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP....MINE WITH JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Furiously,

Teenager

Many Missives #7

Dear Time,

You never leave me alone. You will haunt from now until forever. You think you're so much better than everyone. We all have to keep up with you, well, most of us anyway. India has you tamed pretty well I would say.

Why can't you just slow down for a minute. Must you always take everything away from me? Why were you so kind to Peter and the boys? But Wendy had to move on....you pushed her and pushed her. Is that what you're doing to me? I never get enough of you. Why must you always change everything?

You stress people out so much, it's ridiculous. I love you and live by you, but I could live without you. You are constantly on my mind....which is sad. Have you and your precious hands become my idol? Do I follow your rules before my Lord's? I really don't like you. What is your purpose anyway? To give me a "worm-theory"? I really don't like you.

Earnestly,

A Wrinkle

Many Missives #6

Dear Imagination,

This is definitely a love-hate relationship. I could never survive without you. You keep my striving for more, but many a time you've weakened me to my core. Reality can never hold up to your expectations. You are always a part of my dreams. I think of you often and reminisce about when we were younger. Haha you were my best friend. We would play all day. :)

You are still a huge part of my life. Every thing I do is better with your touch. You always know how to make me smile. And although you can bring disappointment, the good times are so worth it. I will always love/need you.

Until Never Never,

Wendy

So much for that....

I tried writing a letter every day....I really did, but I've been busy and tired, and NOT in a good mood this week haha so.....it didn't work out too well. I want to keep writing letters though....as long as I have a good enough topic to write to.

I'm having the hardest time writing my senior project research paper. I could talk about it all day long but actually finding research to back is up is easier said than done. :P Not to mention it's due Thursday, I'm almost 2/3 of the way done and I still don't have my required interview source for it. Sarah should be a good enough source though.

I've been thinking waaay too much lately. Haha I guess it figures though. I think part of the reason I've been so frustrated lately is because I have felt so lonely. I haven't talked to my friends (besides Sarah, briefly) since school started....so that's what? 5 weeks? It makes me sad because I love them so much. I know God's trying to get my attention or something, and I trust Him, but that doesn't mean it's not hard. I miss fellowshiping with my church friends. Although I must say that God has blessed me with some amazing friends at school this year. :) I think I'm finally starting to see the balance between ministry and close friends. Halle-lujah!

And YES! I do say "I think part of it is that...." If that bothers you, I'm not sorry. I get it from my mom. And I wouldn't change the way I talk or think for the world. Speaking of....

Bethany's got me thinking about minoring in sociology/anthropology in college. I'm seriously considering it....and I'm considering that college in Chicago again....I'm not sure why, but I can't seem to get it out of my head. I'm not too hot about Belmont anymore, but I'm trying to trust. I'm just praying that God opens my eyes, and opens and shuts doors, according to His will.

Yup, that's bout it for the moment....I really should be writing still but I'm too tired too think about it quite right now haha. Until tomorrow, my sweet. :)

Many Missives #5

Dear Ipod

First off, I'm surprised I haven't named you yet. o.O

Secondly, thank you ever so much for being one of my most dependable friends. For a 2nd generation nano you've held up pretty well. I can't believe it's been almost 5 years. I've dropped you plenty of times and still you light up every time we touch.

You hold all my secrets and never tell a soul. You talk just the right amount and never complain when I speak over you. You inspire me, you encourage me, you can make me cry (the good kind). You're taste in fashion is impeccable with your shiny fuchsia dress and your seasonally appropriate jackets. All in all, you're a pretty awesome chick. And I love you.

And you shall, forevermore, be known to me as Beatrix (aka: Bea)

Sincerely,

Maestro

On that note...

I know I've missed two letters so far, but I can't find the energy to write them. I barely have enough energy to drag the covers over my head each night anymore. This has been an exceptionally hard week....and it's only Tuesday.

This morning I went to physical therapy and found out that the alignment of my hip is way more off than I was first told. And so she kinda fixed it this morning and my knees didn't hurt all morning. Until 3rd block....I was sitting in a chair and made maybe a 45 degree angle from the waist to look at something and POP! my hip popped and hurt for a bit.....from then on my knees started killing me....plus my calves from when she stretched them. It's just SOOOOOO friggin frustrating!!!! I just want to not be in pain anymore, I just want to be able to skip and sit cross-legged, and play soccer. I do not want one leg to appear shorter than the other. Or to wear tape or a brace on my knee 24/7.

Not to mention I can't do anything right in school. Apparently all I'm good for is a brain. I can't really handle anything else. I'm behind on my research paper, my vocabulary, my calculus, my senior project, applying for colleges, applying for scholarships, ironing, and cleaning my room (just to name a few).

I'm lonely, I'm tired and I miss India. I miss my mom but every time I try to talk to her I just end up getting something that comes off sounding like "well there's nothing we can do so you're just gonna have to stop doing 'this' or get over 'that'".

And what's more frustrating is that I could have sworn God was there 2 seconds ago. I mean, I know he's still there but I feel like he's just sitting next to me pointing and laughing or too concerned about everyone else. And I certainly can't talk to Sarah...I'm tired of hearing things that need to be "fixed". I don't want to focus on working with God to "fix" things....I just want to feel better.

I miss India so much. I just wanna be there right now at Sandra's Home teaching or something.

Many Missives #4

Dear Brother,

Growing up with you made me who I am today. Thank you. Haha, we've always had our ups and downs but I couldn't ask for a better brother.

You're always there for me. To teach me (even if I don't want to hear it), to protect me (even if I don't need it), and to be childish and goofy with me (even if I'm not in the mood for it). And that's only part of why I love you so much. You taught me how to be strong when I need to be and that it's okay for me to tell you when I need you. You taught me how to be bold and the wisdom of Godly friends. You love sharing with me and asking my opinion.

We may not always understand each other or get along. But I will always love you. You're my anchor in this family, I hope you know. I look up to you so much, I always have. I may not appear to listen or take your advice to heart, but I always do. Your wisdom doesn't go unnoticed or appreciate by me. It just takes time for me to process most times.

I love you brother, and I can not thank you enough for putting up with me for so long. I missed you the most when I was gone to South Asia, and I'll miss you most when I leave for college. I'm so thrilled to see the amazing man you have grown up to be. Haha, I can still remember when we were just in elementary school hanging out. I have always been beyond proud to let people know that I'm your sister, to be called "Micah's sister", or to be told I look like you. I know I can frustrate you to no end, but don't ever forget me, okay? I'm always gonna be here for you.

Sincerely,

"toothless buckwheat"

Many Missives #3

Dear "Jo March",

You've been a part of my heart since we stopped hating each other. I can't imagine growing up without you. We've seen each other through joys and heartache (lots of heartache and pain) but it was worth it to still have your hand to hold and your coffee to drink. :)

I hesitate to call you sister, even though we're practically family. It's so much deeper than that. You're a piece of my heart. Haha you can figure me out before I do, almost always. And although I'm stubborn, I love that about you. I see so much in you that I wish I was: your strength, independence, common sense, intellect, creativity, free-spirit. You know that's why I get so annoying....I'm just jealous and stubborn.

Haha, you're always right you know. Even if I convince you that you aren't. It's terribly cruel of me. There's so many things I wish I hadn't said or done. I'm sorry for hurting you so much. And I don't understand why you still don't just love me, but you actually like and miss me. I'll never understand. But I do know that I love you. You've always been the one I can depend on to tell me exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it (even if I don't listen).

We're so different, yet so alike. I love it. I think our friendship is such a miracle. And honestly, I don't know how I would have made it last summer without you. And this summer was like a celebration after returning from exile. And guess what? You were there for me to share it all with. I couldn't be more blessed to call you my dear heart-friend...my "better half," if you will. :)

I guess what I'm trying to say dear, is that, I thank God every day for having lived so much of my life with you thus far. And no matter how far apart our lives take us....you will ALWAYS be a chunk of my heart. And don't you forget it. :P

Sincerely,

"Amy March"

Many Missives #2

Dear "Sister"

It was July 9, 2010. The day I met you in that blistering hot sewing building in Dharmapuri. I was playing "the smile game" and you were one of my "victims". That lime green sari you wore was so beautiful with your caramel skin. You were so attentive throughout hearing the testimonies and the gospel. And then you jumped up to get in line for a blessing.

God only knows what brought you to me. With our scarves over our heads and a lump in my throat, I laid my hands around your shoulders and was suddenly filled with the spirit for you. My heart was broken and out came words, cries of desperation, for your salvation, for you to understand the reality of my God, Yaweh, Jesus, Savior, to be known to you and your family. That His love and glory be poured upon you and that your heart and eyes be opened to His miraculous wonder.

I ended the prayer in Jesus' name and we both looked up sobbing. We nodded and hugged (rather awkwardly at first) but oh it was worth it. So much emotion, so much holy power, in such a simple statement of words. I have to say, that must have been the best hug I've ever received. :)

Haha, and then we walked out of that cement building, tears and sweat still running down our faces, and you called me sister. SISTER, you knew me for 3 minutes and you loved me so much. But believe me, the love was definitely reciprocated.

I still pray for you. All the time. The picture we took together sits on the front of my desk and I could sit and stare at it for hours. Haha my favorite part is that we look quite a bit alike: same hair, same smile, same eyes, same style. That's such a God-thing! I wish I knew your name....maybe one day God will tell me. Maybe one day I can ask you myself. Wouldn't that be great? :)

Sometimes I wonder if you could understand any of what I prayed. I hope so. But I'm doubtful. You may never know, but I know that my prayers will be answered. It is not against God's will for you to be drawn close to Him and wrapped in His love and comfort. I still pray for you my sister, my Ankah. With ALL of God's love and blessings.

Sincerely,

"Sister"

Many Missives #1

Dear Von,

Tears come to my eyes every time I think of you. I also hate myself every time I think of you. You spent years of your life loving on me and caring for me and I don't even remember 2/3 of it. You cooked for me, tucked me in, woke me up, made me blankets, played games, danced with me, listened to me sing my lungs out, and you laughed with me. What I do remember, is you showed me Jesus. Even years before I would faintly begin to understand, you planted the seed. You told me stories, and taught me to pray, and you showed me how to worship (Jesus loves me this I know in sign language). My heart can't begin to express the love I have for you and in you, my God-Mother. I never fully understood that title until recently. And you, my dear "auntie" (as they say in India) are the epitome.

The world will look at you and say you are sick. But I have never met, and doubt I will ever meet, anyone more alive than you. Even through letters and Facebook posts I can see the light and joy of Jesus. He covers you. And everyone notices. You radiate....even over satellite connections. You are one of the most amazing examples of faith. You're words are always an encouragement.

You didn't just nurture my heart. You're love for Jesus helped nurture my family. You're my mom's best friend. Her heart sister. A true example of what Godly friendships should look like for me. You have always been there for each other. We couldn't have made it without you.

I get sick to my stomach thinking of all the letters you sent that I put aside saying I would "respond tomorrow" when tomorrow never came. All those verses you wrote down that I never bothered to look up. And then I smile remembering our time and letters from more recently. Taking silly pictures in Gatlinburg, singing in the car to retro DC Talk, heart talks on the bed, watching Caroline dance around like I used to, writing page after page of letters just to say "hi".

These are the memories that I will always cherish. I love you. But I miss you even more. I long to give you a real "big hug" instead of just typing it, to hold your hand, and look you in the eyes. But for now, the closest thing I have to pouring out my heart, is a letter. :)

Sincerely,

Your dearest "A"

Thank You Kevin....

Okay, so I was catching up on all the blogs I follow/that follow me and on Kevin Atteridg's "Something Like That" he has started posting a series of letters (he got the idea from other bloggers as well). Anyway, I got to thinking and remembered how much I love to write letters and then about all the things I have to tell people/things/places/etc. So, in the event that anyone has ever wondered about those things I think about but never say about specific things.....here goes.

Diversity: Could it be more wonderful? :)

"I once wrote a poem in which I called us Latinas 'God's brown daughters.' This poem is really a prayer of sorts, offered upward, but also, through the human-to-human channel of art, outward. It is a prayer for communication, and for respect. In it, Latin women pray 'in Spanish to an Anglo God/with a Jewish heritage,' and they are 'fervently hoping/that if not omnipotent/at least He be bilingual.'" -Judith Ortiz Cofer

Such powerful words to think about. The piece this came from is called The Myth of a Latin Woman. She talks about where the "culture clash" between Whites (Americans) and the perception of Latin Women came from. It's very convicting and thought provoking. But the last sentence especially reminded me of India. I've been thinking about it a lot again today. Just thinking about how God understands every word we say to him, no matter what language, even if we can't even get words out, he knows what we are trying to say. My favorite part of India was hearing everyone shout "Halle-lujah!" because it reminded me that no matter how different we were as believers, we all worshiped Jesus Christ and that's something we all understood.

Father, give me the eyes of a sister. As I look at the lives and hearts of my friends and peers, show me that we are related. We are all your children. I should treat them as if they were my blood family. I think that will help me to be more authentic and confident in my identity as your child. I am not just a princess, I am a daughter of the King. :)

One thing I love about my school is how culturally diverse and accepting it is. For such a small school, we have quite a large population of Indians, East Asians, Anglos, African Americans, etc. And the great part is that everyone is extremely different. We may not fully understand each other but we're all friends and we still love each other.

Haha now that I've rambled on and on.....again....I encourage you to read what I just did: "The Myth of a Latin Woman" by Judith Ortiz Cofer and "How it Feels to be Colored Me" by Zora Neale Hurston

Esu Walewah - God is so good

I've said this before. I felt more at home in South Asia than I ever have here in the states. I've never felt like I fit in so much. For some reason, my heart really misses it today. I just wanna go back so badly. I love most of everything here but it's just so different. Okay God, you're right, I know that my friends here need Jesus just as much as those who have never heard of You but I don't wanna do it. It's so hard, especially when no one at school seems like they don't want to listen to me. Sigh, you're right again....they watch me and listen to me more than I give them credit for, more than I'll ever know. But I'm screwing it up. I'm blowing my chances. I mean, I saw how Micah just jumped into a conversation about religion off the tip of his hat....why can't I see opportunities like that. Am I not looking for them? Am I not supposed to find them? I'm so confused. I need you to remind me that prayer walking the hallways is enough. I need you to remind me to leave it up to you. I'll be honest with you though.....I still would rather be overseas. But I do love your people here. I really do. And I'm trying my hardest to glorify you. You know that....

I would really love if you took me back though. Really and truly. Next summer, maybe? Please?

"For the Moments I Feel Faint"

I'm so frustrated right now. I feel stuck. And it feels like I know what the solution is but its out of my reach. Sigh. Our church is going through their annual C3 conference to promote small groups and community. The speaker Wednesday was talking about how small groups are not an option, they are necessary. And it's so true. I haven't been in a small group all summer (just cause our youth stops just about everything like that in the summer) and I miss it. I need accountability. And especially with school I feel like all my Christian partners have kinda left me out to dry. I know a lot of it is my fault too for not making an effort, but its hard. I try...I really do. And "what's her name" is always so concerned about pouring into and lifting up all these other girls, I feel abandoned. I know she's just doing what God's leading her to do but it's hard. I feel like she's not trying cause she thinks I've got all these other people...and I don't. I just feel spiritually drained. And it's not cause I'm away from God or anything....I'm just away from quality time with his people.

That's why I'm so stoked for small groups to start this week. I'm not sure anyone has any idea.

On the bright side...school is amazing. I really think God is saying that this year is the reason why He's had me at Tyner for so long....for THIS year. I've already been given SO many amazing leadership opportunities and relationships (with staff and students). It's such a blessing and terribly frightening all at the same time. But I'm excited. I had a feeling all summer that God was planning something BIG for this year. :) And now I definitely know that he is....we'll just have to wait and see what it is exactly. I'll let you know when he tells/shows me haha.

As Time Goes By...and my mind begins to drift.

I was just thinking about what my blog looked like when I started it, not even a year ago, compared to now. It's astounding to me how quickly God can transform us. It seems like, the moment you aren't looking he rearranges everything. And I love it. At first I wasn't sure what this blog would represent, but I think I've got it figured out... This is a story about change. Like my title says "To walk with the Holy Spirit, is to walk in change." And God's shown me that as a child of the King, even when I walk away, the Spirit is always in me, so I'm always going to be changing. And sometimes that's hard. But I'd much rather change every so often than never change at all.

Tangent #1:

I'm in love with God's love. I think it is the most wonderful thing in the world. I have this one song in my head that pretty much sums it all up: "Smile, smile, Jesus loves you....for you are so precious to Him." I learned it in Asia, it was Larisa's favorite. :) And just thinking about how true that is. It blows my mind.

Tangent #2:

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I have a song for EVERYTHING haha. When we were in South Asia we did what's called the "Everything skit" (I played the drunk girl)

I can't hear this song without thinking of the first time we performed it over there:

Throughout the entire song, I couldn't stop thinking of the audience and how true it is to their lives, to all our lives. And my heart began to physically ache for them. I couldn't breathe. As soon as it finished and we all got up off the ground, I ran to the jeeps and tore off my dupata (scarf). I hated imagining their faces on the face of the main girl....I was so burdened for them. I wanted to scream or cry or gasp for breath, I couldn't figure it out. Two or three of my team mates gathered around me and pretty soon our entire team was in a group hug praying for the truth that was being spoken and for the hearts of each person there. And now, every time I hear the song, my chest tightens up and I relive the whole thing over again. It's hard, but I know that God is doing amazing things in their lives and cities, and I absolutely cannot wait till He brings me back.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, your words they shoot and kill

South Asia taught me how powerful the spoken word is. It can heal, it can kill, it can praise, it can demote. And in the spiritual battle that is life, words are the most powerful weapon (for either opponent).

For the evil one:

While at City Market, four of our team members were physically, mentally, and emotionally attacked by a man who was possessed. But not two minutes before this happened we walked past three men who were praying. Now, obviously they were not praying in the name of Jesus. These audible words were the open door that Satan needed to send his spirits our way. I truly believed that had we not passed these men, or anyone else praising demons, that that encounter would not have occurred. Don't get me wrong, I praise God for opening my eyes, through that experience, to how real our battle is.

For the Holy One:

I learned early on in the trip, that simply claiming the power of the Holy Spirit, in the name of Jesus Christ will immediately free us from any bondage and wrap us in safety. Anything that is not for Christ cannot stand to be in His presence and must leave. As soon as we made His presence known by speaking His name, the demons left.

Likewise, praises to our Father are extremely powerful. By singing, or simply stating, praise to Jesus Christ, we claim His power and authority over creation. Whether it was in "team time" when we claimed His authority of our own lives, or at VBS when we claimed it over the audience and the village, or anytime we were out and about or traveling and claimed it over wherever we were and the buildings, streets, or people there, our God's power became known and His glory was poured out. Light was present in the midst of complete and utter death and darkness. This is the power of my God who lives and abides in me! Sotram!

Hallelu, hallelu, hallelu, hallelujah, PRAISE YE THE LORD!

This is my darling treasure, Larisa. She had her arms wrapped around my neck like that for two straight days. :) I miss her. I think the kids at Sandra's home was the final tug at my heartstrings that I needed to convince me I would come back to live and work there one day. Sarah and Hannah said they can't see me staying there, but mom said as soon as I got back and shared my heart about what happened, she knew that I would go back eventually. That made my heart sing. I said earlier, I just felt at home there, I didn't feel like a foreigner.

Latha and Suresh are building a school and want students to come during the summer for 3-6 months and teach english, math, or Bible. I have to sit back and laugh at God for his detailed preparedness. How many times growing up did I say I wanted to teach math or english? More than I can count. So as soon as Latha told us this I wanted to immediately tell her I would come and stay. Of course, I have to first give it to God. And I know I may not come back next summer, or even the one after that, but I pray with all my heart that I return some day, and that I get to see Larisa again, and that she remembers me. I know that sounds like an awful lot to ask...I feel that way myself. But that's what's in my heart, so... I'm going to ask my Father for it, like the princess/daughter and heir to the throne that I am.

Which brings me to the states.... This is a hard concept for me to grasp...asking God for whatever is on your heart... because I don't like asking my earthly parents for things...it makes me feel selfish and greedy. Of course, pride is the biggest factor. I don't want to have to hear "no" especially when it's a logical reason like we can't afford it or it's not safe or it's just not healthy spiritually or emotionally. Cause then I feel like I should have known better...well, anyway you look at it....it's pride.

Now that I've gone on a tangent....haha. I really miss South Asia. But I have to remember to praise Jesus for what He is doing here, in my life, and everywhere around me. So today, I have tried to literally praise him when I get discouraged or just sad. I think of the pastors and children in South Asia all together shouting "Halle-lujah" and I say it under my breath or in my heart. And it always brings a smile to my face and a song to my heart. Jesus is worthy of our praise no matter where we are or what we're doing. I think that is the key to "blooming where you're planted" as my dear Sarah would say. :)